For those of you that don't know it (and there should be no excuse that anybody doesn't know it)... Taco Bell rocks!  It was 9:45 on the east coast and for whatever reason, I skipped dinner (still haven't figured out what I was doing that was so important... ... ... nope, still nothing!) and had a taste for a taco so off I went.  I hopped in my ride (have I mentioned lately how much I love my car?) on a beautiful night in the sunshine state (90 degrees, slight breeze, moon out... nice!) and felt in the mood for some toe tapping, head bobbing music so I turned to that station and they were playing back to back songs by 50 (don't ask, just go with the story)... how about that song "little bit" or whatever the title is... is that a sexy song or what?  'I wanna unbutton your pants, just a little bit, take them off, pull them down just a little bit... start kissin and huggin just a little bit'  damn!  So as I'm thinking about taking Diana's pants off (mmmm!) they hit this 80's streak and MC Hammer destroys my fantasy.  It was like a rude cold shower.  As I'm driving home feeling sorry for myself that my fantasy was destroyed by a guy that I liken to Richard Simmons on crack, the song (I forget the artist) "I wanna sex you up" comes on the radio and I'm right back in fantasy land! :)  What I wouldn't give to $&@ her and $%!@ her and ***&#*#*@ her all night long!!!  AARRRGGGHHH, I need some booty!!  Diana, where are you?  Oh, that's right... she's not available.  I always seem to forget that part.  That part sucks!  I'm gonna eventually have to fix that.  See, the problem is... wait... what am I doing... I started this about Taco Bell, how did I end up here?  You guys have to stop me when I do crap like that.  When I get on a rant it can go on for days!

Anyway... Taco Bell.  You could feel a family of 4 on 10 bucks!  Men, fellow brothers, you want to take a girl out on a date but strapped for cash?  Find a blanket (make sure its clean and smells good, rub some dryer sheets on it, that'll help.  If you don't have dryer sheets, get your hairy but to the store and get some, start putting them in the dryer when you dry your clothes!).  Borrow a picnic basket (no self respecting single man should own a picnic basket, if you do, do the manly thing and burn it either in the front yard or driveway if you take care of your yard like you should) this can be done by either visiting your mother (you don't do that enough anyway) or asking a married female friend.  Now, you have all the materials you need, go to taco bell, spend 8 bucks on food, on the way to pick her up pick up a $2 bottle of water (or wine if you want to splurge but the object here is to be frugal, yet impressive).  When you are on your way to get her, call her, tell her you are on your way (for some reason they like that... something about the whole 'getting ready' process) and tell her to make sure to wear sandels or flops, something comfy she can kick off easily -- holy moly Victoria Secret models are hot!... sorry, just saw the commercial and I'm way past being in the mood! --  anyway... take her to your local park (the destination is up to you just remember for find grass and if you're going a long way, get soft tacos they are still good cold and don't get soggy as fast) and you have yourself a romatic little get together for two for less than $20 (that includes you having to go buy dryer sheets).  If that doesn't get you in her pants (providing she's receptive to that... some hold out for marriage and there is nothing wrong with that), then leave me a message, e-mail me, im me, call me, send me a telegram... do whatever you have to do and I if I can't help you, I'll find someone that can because you are in serious trouble!

Until next time, this is the love doctor saying... the best opening line in the world is... "Hi, my name is ..."

As I promised yesterday, its time to talk about Lance.  Bananas, oatmeal, pasta and anything with a million carbs in it are his diet right now.  In France, they are 6 hours ahead of us (I pretty sure, somebody correct me if I’m wrong)  which means he will be at the Stage 1 time trial beginning at Fromentine somewhere around 1:30am EST Saturday morning.  He will be going last as he won the event last year and, if anyone is as weird as I am about it, all the timings will be posted here (http://www.letour.fr/2005/TDF/LIVE/us/100/index.html) for the stage results.  It should be a live update with no delay, we’ll see how good they are.

Lance can win time trials, he’s done it before, but don’t expect him to go all out for this first one.  I haven’t heard much talk on strategy this year but if I were his coach I would tell him just to put out a solid effort, stretch his legs, and get to the line.  Time here does not matter so much as long as he is within 15 minutes or so of the leader by stage 8.  The team will make sure that happens.  They will do this by protecting him in the peloton (the massive clump of riders) and chasing down any breakaway sprinters that might pose a serious threat.

The first serious climb (peaking at 1139m) isn’t until stage 8.  This will be coming out of Germany and into the French town of Gerardmer, so don’t expect to see Lance near the top of the leader board until the end of this stage.  Stage 9 should be quite a show with several climbs but two very large ones ranging from 586m – 1338m and 396m – 1171m.  This is where Lance will leave everybody.  Stages 10 and 11 are also through the mountains (which includes a spectacular two tier climb in stage 11 beginning at 493m and ending 2645m… that’s right 2152m within 57km… do the math… 7000+ feet in 35.5 (rounded) miles… the ratio is mind blowing!!!) so coming out of these 4 stages, Lance’s lead should be between 7 and 12 minutes and then the team will take back over.  Providing he does not fall during the time trails, it’s all over with but the crying, number 7 is in the books!

He will probably retire after this one.  It is a shame because he is one of, if not the best team cyclist of all time.  Definitely the best road cyclist of my generation.  Did you know he was born 10 days before me and is the same height?  Ok, ok, so he’s 25lbs lighter but he’s a world class athlete and I’m… well, I’m not!  But my a$$ does look good in bike shorts (who’s doesn’t?)!!!  Visit the site at the bottom, get you a bracelet, make a donation.  Wear it for whatever reason you choose to, just make sure you remember the millions that died before us and the millions that are going to die during the time we search for a cure.

Go get ‘em Lance!

http://www.livestrong.org

Who stole my cigarettes?  That's not funny, give them back!

*** Update ***  Ha, ha... bet you didn't know I had another pack in the car! :P

Oh geeez, whatdda do? (in my best northern Minnesota accent)… Guess who just got a call from a guy he used to work for and the company that just had ¾ of the executive board dismissed?  No, not him… nope… nuh uh (come on guys!)... yup, me.  Seems as if I didn’t get the entire story the other night and they did some additional “housecleaning” beneath the executive level and there are some positions available at the manager/director level.  He heard I was on the market and would like me to come over to his house tonight for a “beer and a chat”.  Normally, this would be great news (I love it when I can say I told you so and they come crawling back! ;) -- I’m such a shit!) except for the fact that my ex-wife still works there and that is one of the reasons I left to begin with!  When it rains it pours, doesn’t it?

Today was a great day for American cycling.  First time Tour rider Dave Zabriskie dominated the field with the (still yet to be officially confirmed) fastest time trial in the history of the race.  To listen to Zabriskie, you would think he finished in the lower half of the group as he said he struggled through the entire course.  His time, which was posted very early in the day, held up to the challenges of the entire group of world class sprinters we expected to be near the top.  It even held off the best Tour cyclist of all time, Lance Armstrong.

As Armstrong left the gate, his foot came unclipped which cost him 2-3 seconds.  As it turns out, the winning margin of Zabriskie.  However, if you pay close attention, Lance took the last turn wide and finished on the outside of the line.  Was this done on purpose?  He knew his time, his team was in constant contact with him.  I haven’t heard the interview but I would imagine, even if he did it on purpose, he would not admit to it.  All I know is the guy doesn’t make mistakes.  Everything he does has a purpose.

Lance dominated his competition today.  Even with Zabriskie in the yellow jersey, he is not a serious threat to win the Tour as he will get left in the mountains (probably even before that as Ivan Basso is his lead rider and he will spend the remainder of the tour supporting him).  The only competition on the board is Alexandre Vinokourov (“Vino”) and he is currently 51 seconds behind.  He is not the climber that Jan Ulrich is and, quite honestly, I don’t see him within 7-9 minutes after stage 11. 

Jan Ulrich had a very disappointing time trail.  Not that he is known as a sprinter due to his riding style (big gear, slow revolutions) but he was caught by Lance with about 4km left in the trial.  This does not mean a big lead for Lance but is a tremendous mental advantage as he had never been caught during a time trial in the Tour.

Now the Discovery team will take over and put Lance in a position to win the race.  George Hincapie, himself a threat to win the Tour one day, will be leading the effort.  Last year he destroyed the competition during a mountain climb that was one of the best I had ever seen.  The guy is an animal and will give his very best effort to put Lance in a position to do what he does best… close.

If you get a chance to what the coverage (OLN is re-running it tonight at 8pmEST), make sure you do.  Especially when the peloton (the massive clump of riders) comes into action.  The peloton is a living entity.  It breathes, it feeds, it moves and it hates.  It hates single riders and breakaway groups.  To have never experienced being swallowed by it is missing out on one of the most incredible feelings.  To hear the hum of the tires on the road, to know it is tracking you, pulling you back like gravity is a feeling on a different level that I’ve ever experienced.  It is a humbling experience that I’ll never forget!

Go get ‘em Lance and the Discovery team.  I’ll see you tomorrow in Challans for stage 2.

My grandmother passed away today.  That's 2 grandparents in 2 months.  Before that, I had never lost anyone (not counting pets) to death.  It's a new feeling for me.  Cancer is an evil thing and should be stopped.  You would think with as much money as we throw at it and as many smart people we have working on it, we'd have it figured out by now.  This one hurts.  Not only was I her oldest grandchild, I was the only boy.  She loved boys (had 3 of them).  All girls were nasty, that was her opinion.  Nobody was ever good enough for her boys (including my mother for my father!).  She always had a warm hug and great food no matter when you stopped by.  The last few months have been tough watching her waste away but I am grateful for the time I had with her.  At the end, she felt no pain and just faded into death.  I will miss her a great deal.

Does anything ever come easy?  Just once... once, I'd like to have something that I didn't have to work my ass of for in return.  Once I would like to have something given as a gift with nothing expected in return.  To not have to jump through hoops, to be forgiven for a mistake, to get what I want.  Just once.  Is that so much to ask?  I'm a good person, I have a big heart... I do what I'm supposed to, I follow the rules, I admit my weaknesses and my faults... what else am I supposed to do?  Just one damn time I'd like to be the one... the one that things come easy to.

Lance and Diana updates later... not in the mood.

It has been a few days since my last Lance update and I can not think of a more appropriate time to update him than today.  Lance and the Discovery team set the Tour on fire today by winning the team time trail and recording the fastest time in history.  It took every second of that time to beat Team CSC who looked awesome as well today.  In the end, the difference was 2 seconds (remember that time?  The exact difference between Lance and Zabriskie after day 1) and you can’t help but blame the new American kid Dave Zabriskie.  Team CSC was in place to pull off the unthinkable, defeat Team Discovery in an event they had dominated the past two years.  With less than 2k left, Zabriskie lost his bike and crash moving at a pace (approx. 60km/h or a little less than 40mph) that would make most people pass out, let alone maintain for any length of time.  After some stitches and a few x-rays, there is still a question on whether or not Zabriskie will continue but no matter what happens, we have seen a glimpse of the future for American cycling.

The Discovery team looked like a well oiled machine today.  All nine riders were in pace and had a nice rhythm to their riding.  Communication was excellent and Lance took control when he needed to.  For those of you that have never ridden a road bike or rode in a line as the team was doing, you can not fully appreciate the skill and concentration it takes.  On top of which, try doing 40mph on a bike.  You don’t have to sustain it, just get a bicycle up to 40mph… can’t do it can you?  I ride anywhere from twice to five times a week depending on the time of year and I average 21mph over 30 miles (over 70 miles that average drops to 14mph) and have averaged 26mph over 10 miles on a flat, new road with no wind and 3 riders with me.  Just getting to a speed approaching 40mph is a task, maintaining it is the difference between a world class athlete and the rest of us.

Lance is on a mission.  He even hinted today that he would like to stay in the yellow jersey until Paris.  Can he do it?  You can bet the farm that he can!  Will he is a different story entirely.  In my opinion he should stay in the petalon and let Hincapie and the rest of the team do what they do best, protect him.  Wait until the mountains Lance and then show us what we’re all waiting to see, one person dominate the course and the competition like only you can.  He has come out in the first week telling the world it is his race to lose.  That he is that dominant.  He is doing all of this with the humility of a man that knows where he has been and knows where he is going.  I envy and am inspired by him at the same time.

Ok boys and girls, it’s story time.  Grab a comfortable seating position and enjoy.

It was the fall of 1987.  I had just moved with my family from Aberdeen, Maryland (home of Cal Ripken, Jr.!!) to Nuremberg, Germany (home of last Nazi party address for Hitler… what a contrast, huh?).  It was the beginning of my sophomore year in high school which is to say I ruled the world and knew better than anyone else about everything (gee, umm, not much different that I am now?).

Enrolling in a new school was common for me.  As a military brat, we moved every three years so I was used to new schools, new surroundings and new friends.  My parents had a fetish about Germany so I spent 12 of my first 18 years in that country.  At the time, of course, I didn’t fully appreciate what the experience was worth but I like to think I had a decent handle on what was going on and even today look back at those memories as fond ones.

As I walked to my first class in the school I was destined to rule, my heart was beating through my chest and I felt as if I was going to pee all over myself.  My body was hot and I could feel my face turning the color red that should only be reserved for fire trucks and warning signs.  Since I had to sign some papers when I got to the school, class had already begun (I still think they do that on purpose so you can make an entrance… evil I tell you, evil!) so I paused in front of the closed door, gathered my thoughts and confidently swung the door open walking through it with my shoulders back and my head held high.  Right up until the time the door slammed into the wall (hadn’t they ever heard of stoppers?).  So, gently put, my entrance was noticed.  Afterwards, more evilness was to come as my teacher (who eventually turned out to be one of my favorites, just not on that day!) asked me to stand in front of the class and tell a little about myself.  You have to understand that all of the kids were used to this.  We were all military and had done it more than once in our life so everyone is kind but still, the nerves you feel as you stand in front of your peers giving your resume is more painful that anything I’ve ever experienced in the business world.  So, I call on the powers of my big butt and smile (yes, even as a kid I had a butt that would leave a wake) and proceed to be as charming as possible while still trying to act cool (hey, you do it sometime, it’s tough!).  As I’m going through my dissertation, that’s when I see her.  Her name was Jennifer.

Jennifer was one of those girls that didn’t stand out because of her beauty (description coming, hold your horses!) but because of her natural glow.  It seemed the sun shined directly on her as if that was its only purpose.  She had long brown naturally curly hair, a baby doll type of face (big eyes, big lips, button nose, porcelyn skin) with a thick hourglass figure (you know what I mean, curves with something on them so that you’re not scared you’re gonna hurt her if… umm, passion takes over).  Standing all of 5’2” (and never grew and inch through graduation) I couldn’t help myself as throughout my entire presentation, my eyes kept wandering back to hers and she patiently listened, waiting for the new kid to finish.

After I am done, I’m told to take a seat.  “Any open seat will do”, my teacher says.  Do I need to tell you where I sat?  Right beside her!!  We get through class and I actually add value (it was History and besides the fact I was into that, my class in the states had already covered what they were studying so I got a chance to act smart too!) and the teacher asks for a volunteer to show me to my next class (does this woman enjoy torturing me? – years later I talk to her about it and yes, she enjoyed torturing me… evil I tell you!).  Who volunteers?  No, not Jennifer.  I was destroyed!  However, as fate would have it, a young woman (very striking herself) that was sitting behind me volunteered.  Her name was Faith and she was my first girlfriend in Nuremberg.  What happened to Jennifer you ask?  Well, that’s where the story begins…

(part 2 to be posted in about an hour, I need to eat! – tell me what you think so far)

Ok, so it took more than an hour… the best things in life are worth waiting for, aren’t they?

We continue our story with Jennifer not volunteering to show me my next class.  With as much eye contact as I was making with her, if I were actually hitting on her, she’d have bruises.  I did all I could do except for standing up in class and saying, “I think you’re hot, come kiss me!”.  Being that it was my first day and all, I didn’t think that would make the best impression (but think of the reputation I would’ve had!).

As time passes, we do our own thing… she dates, I date, we get involved in the same things, go separate ways but always end up doing something together in a group, and still I never speak to her.  I don’t mean I don’t speak to her about my feelings, I don’t speak to her at all!  Every now and then I’d manage a half grin and a “hi” and that was it.  The next year (my junior year), she even had a locker that I had to pass to get to the class I had after lunch.  This meant I saw her every day and yet said nothing.  I told family about her, friends, and even other teachers but did I tell her?  No.  There was once, I almost spoke to her.  We were alone in the hallway, she was at her locker and I was walking to class.  For either one of us to be alone at any point during the day was rare but both of us alone at the same time?  In the same area?  Must be fate, right?  So as I’m building the courage to speak to the girl I have built up in my mind as untouchable, my current squeeze comes up behind me and gooses me.  I about shit my pants.  I can just imagine the look on my face.

The night before graduation, a guy, Jennifer and I were setting up chairs in the hall for friends and family to sit in during the ceremony.  She has said something to the kid helping us (I was very hung over from the night before – legal drinking age in Germany was 16 – and not paying attention to anything at the time) and then turned to me and as I looked up, she looked me dead in the eye and said, “Wouldn’t you agree, Rocky?”.  Now, under normal circumstances, I would come back with something clever, something witty… what did I do this time?  I said, “Jennifer, I’ve had a crush on you since sophomore year, at this point I’d agree with anything you said if I thought it would improve my opportunity of kissing you right here, right now.”  What I meant to say was, “Yeah, I agree with Jennifer” but the other came out.  A year and nine months had gone by since she caught my eye, never telling her my feelings, and that is what I come up with?  An obnoxious, smart ass, macho comment?  What seemed like forever passed and I was just about to come up with something to get myself out of the mess I just caused when she started walking towards me.  Knowing how bad my head hurt, I was not looking forward to the slap I was about to receive and then it happened…for the first time in my life, a girl kissed me.  I had kissed many more girls than I am going to admit to here up to that point but had never had one actually kiss me.  She took my arm, placed it around her waist, took my hand and placed it on the back of her neck, under her hair, put both of her arms around me at my waist, pulled me in and gave me one of the best kisses of all time.  It seemed to last forever.  I couldn’t hear or see anything going on around me, all I could concentrate on was her.  There was some applause and jeers afterwards but considering 75% of the graduating class saw it, we got off pretty easy.

As it turns out, she also had a crush on me.  Said from the first day I walked into class she felt it.  Even could describe what I was wearing that day (which I in turn repaid that compliment by describing what she had on that day).  Needless to say, my high school graduation party was out-freakin-standing but the details I will keep to myself.

We spent 7 weeks together that summer.  She went to Texas to start college and I went to Maryland to do the same.  We lost touch and I never heard from her again.  I’ve thought several times about tracking her down but each time I tell myself, why ruin that memory of how we were that summer with the reality of it all?

I’m 33 years old.  This story took place 15-17 years ago.  The same age as some of you are now.  It seems like a lifetime since I last saw her but could still describe her features, her scent (Sand and Sable perfume), and her “way”.  I decided to tell this story to show a few points.  One of them is for you... don’t ever hold your feelings inside.  Share them with people you care about.  You never know what gifts are on the other side of that door if you would just open it.  They are worth more than any rejection.  Don’t ever be scared to say what you feel… ever. 

I did something I probably shouldn’t have done, in a place that I would normally never do it and yet found, what I feel, is my adult version of “the girl that got away” (I see Jennifer as getting away because we should have had so much more time together if I wasn’t such a scared wimp with her).  I can only hope she feels for me half of what I feel for her.  The passion and desire I feel for her that I can not seem to satisfy and that I can only show her through writings and phone calls.  I can only hope that, one day, she can look in my eyes, into my heart, and see what she means to my life, how important she is.  I love you Diana.

I am true to my word.  I left and now I’m back (lyrics from that song, “Baby I’m back” keep swirling around in my head… I’m too influenced by popular music).  It was a good weekend, lots of fun was had by all.  For those of you concerned about the hurricane, it pushed off to the west and did not influence anything I did the entire weekend!  Here is a summary of the weekend…

Got down there Friday night, Wayne’s mom was finishing cooking dinner (YUMMY!!) so we ate, had some idle chit-chat and dropped Chloe off and headed into town to look for some trouble.  Hit a local bar, had some beers, listened to some music and made fun of drunk people (there were many volunteers).  Got up first thing Saturday had played a round of golf… for those of you who play, I hadn’t hit a ball for almost 3 months so I scrambled my way to a 88, I have to get out more!... then headed back to the house to help with some “man” chores Wayne’s mom had been saving up.  Got cleaned up and went out to dinner, sent Chloe home w/Wayne’s mom and spent the rest of the night hanging w/Wayne’s old friends.  Some of them I know, some of them I don’t but they are all good people and made me feel at home.  Sunday was spent at Sea World (the new dolphin show is great!) and got back late last night.  I thought about Diana way too much and missed talking to her (for better or worse, I have become accustomed to talking to her on a regular basis) and wish I could have shared all this with her… maybe one day.  All in all, it was a very good weekend.

The new job went fine today.  Not much to report other than I don’t like it but I knew that was going to be the case.  Oh well, I don’t get paid for writing in my blog so I guess I have to do something!

Lance has lost the yellow jersey but this was to be expected.  I’m not concerned at all and at the end of the tour, he’ll be the one standing at the top.  I’ll put out a better update on him later in the week.

That’s the high level update.  I’m off to read some other blogs, I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Uh oh… do you feel it?  Here it comes, you better move… too late.  You just got whacked by… story time.

Story time is a tradition older than all of us but the question is what story should be told?  A sweet, romantic story?  A hateful, mean story?  How about a dirty, erotic story (as I hear cheers from the pervs in the distance… hey, one of those cheers is coming from me!).  I’ll tell you what, I’ll tell the story and at the end, you tell me what kind you think it was.  This way, the three people that actually read it (instead of just visiting my blog to see pics of Lance’s bike) will have your feelings heard.

Our story today begins as all stories should,… Once upon a time…

There was a world, filled with good and evil.  Traveling through this world took confidence and an attention span that would rival even the most patient hunter.  In the beginning, there was a boy.  He was full of life and energy, optimism and faith.  As the evil character “time” passed, he was beaten down, kicked around, spit on, and pushed to a level of brokenness that almost sent him over the edge.  He had tried throughout his life to be what everyone wanted him to be.  So much so, that he lost the most important piece that would carry him thorough the rest of life, himself.

Finding himself was no easy task.  He had heard stories of others that had tried and most of them ended up living under the overpass of a major highway with no money and a cardboard box for a blanket.  He was determined that this was not going to be his fate.  But the question still remained, who was he?  Was he the athlete his parents wanted him to be?  Was he the scholar his teachers thought he could be?  Was he the creative mind that the special select few pushed him to be?  Was he the man his lover hoped he would be?  To find out, a journey needed to take place.  A journey that not only scared him but intrigued him.  A journey that would take him to places he never thought he could get to and take the time he never thought he had.

Journeys themselves have a beginning and an end.  To understand the path that you have to follow, you have to know where the beginning is and where you want the end to be.  A life journey is the most difficult of all as you rarely know either one of these.  So, as the rest of us normally do, he begins in the middle.  Creating himself in an image that he felt not only suited him but would be the compromise everyone would agree with.  Mistake number one has taken place.

So where does he decide to begin his journey?  At the tender age of 13 where he is beaten for being on the wrong basketball court?  At 18 when he decides college should not be a full time drinking contest and he joins the military?  At 20 when he decides that marrying his best friend was not the smartest move he had ever made?  No, none of these ages are right and he presses on.  At 25 when he decides to leave everything he knows to move south to embark on a new career and a new life?  Sounds like a good time, right?  No, he still ignores the warning signs.  How about at 27 when he decides he has met the woman of his dreams and marries her?  No, he says to himself that now is not the time to re-invent himself in any other image other than what he feels she wants him to be.  Again, he follows the path that has cursed him his entire life and now, and as he walks the path of adulthood, he still has no idea what his purpose in life is to be or what person he is to become.  He only knows what is expected of him and that he meets that expectation.

This approach works well for him.  He makes a life, makes friends, acquires material possessions (a house, cars, etc.), and begins to plan his life around the path of the couple he has become with this woman.  He felt he was well on his way to the brass ring and feels his journey is moving along.  Then one day, it all falls apart.  He is lost.  The elements that he had used to define him, his purpose for living was gone.

He spends time trying to replace what was lost.  He quickly moves from one relationship to the next, changes his environment, makes new friends, acquires different material possessions yet nothing seems to work.  Sitting in the living room of his beautiful new apartment, looking at the beach from one window and his brand new car out the other, he sits in the middle of the floor, spreads pictures of his past all around him, and for the first time in his life he puts a pistol to his head and pulls the hammer back.  One squeeze, one instant, one more lapse in judgment and it will all be over.  The intense pain (both mental and physical), the loneliness, the embarrassment his life has become, and the disappointment he feels from everyone around him.

But wait, “What the hell am I doing?” he asks himself.  Can this be it?  Is this the end of the game I was born to play?  My purpose in life was to screw it up and then quit?  Something had triggered his mind to stop.  Something had said to him to continue fighting for there are better things ahead.  Where did it come from?  He didn’t bother to ask.  He unlocked the pistol, picked up the pictures and walked across the beach into the ocean.  In the darkness, wading in waist deep ocean water, he threw the pistol as far as he could and released the pictures into the water.  Tonight, this moment, at the age of 32, he had finally begun his true journey.

The story continues…

The next week, he hopped on his bike and went looking for another court to play on.  After riding for a while, he came upon a court with a bunch of black kids playing ball.  To this point in his life, he didn’t know the difference between black and white (minus the obvious visual differences).  He was an army brat and there just wasn’t the same racism in that circle of people that there was in the outside world.  This day he was to experience my first real encounter with racism.

After shooting around with a few kids waiting for the next game, it was his turn to play.  Immediately there were some kids on the other team that started laughing and everyone wanted to guard “the white boy”.  He started off the game slowly, getting everyone involved as he normally would in any game and then one of the kids said, “He’s scared to shoot, just leave him be, he’s a punk”.  Ok, let’s get one thing straight, the young man had always had an ego.  As long as he could remember, his ego would jump out of his chest and hit a superman pose whenever threatened.  So the next time down the court, the ball made its way to him and he pointed to the kid that said something and told him to get his punk ass over here and remember to bring his pencil and paper ‘cause I’m about to take you to school (looking back, probably not what he should have said but,… ego… it’s a terrible thing!).  He comes over and is pretty physical, pushing, grabbing, shoving but he takes him to the rack and makes him look silly doing it.  The next couple of times down the court, he proceeds to do the same thing, several times in a row.  After each time, making sure he knows just who is doing it to him and what his is making him look like.  At this point, a crowd begins to form.  The kid he is embarrassing is getting picked on by his friends.  The next time he has the ball, he moves to guard the other kid and when he goes by, he blocks his shot from behind.  Not just block but swat it into the onlookers that had formed.  The last words he said on the court that day were right after he blocked the shot.  It was, “You ain’t shit, bitch!”.  The next thing he knows, his face is buried in a metal fence while he his getting punched in the kidneys.  After a few punches, the kid stops and asks, “Who’s the bitch now?”.  What happened next can only attribute to the pain and embarrassment he was feeling, he turned and hit him harder than he had ever hit anyone before.  Striking him in the nose, blood splattered everywhere.  It appeared as if he had hit him with a brick.  The kid fell to the ground and before he had a chance to think, he was thrown to the ground and beaten by several people.  The number of people could not be counted, he just simply curled up in a ball and took whatever they had to give him.  By some miracle, a passer by stopped and broke everything up but on their way out, they destroyed his bike so he walked home with my bike in tow, bloodied and bruised.

He had tried to fit in where he didn’t belong.  He tried to portray an image that he had not known and what happened were the repercussions of that mistake.  Does he take this opportunity to begin exploring who he is and how he should portray himself to others?  Does he take this opportunity to learn forgiveness and tolerance?  No.  He goes home and for years afterwards, acts like a racist bigot to those different from him, never stopping to learn the important lesson he had been shown that day.  Never taking the opportunity to grow from the experience.  It wasn’t until 3 years later, when he was placed back in an environment that was all military kids, an environment that fosters unity that he would begin to understand what happened that day.

The story continues…

Once again, I am a man of my word.  I said I would return and, what do know, here I am!  The weekend went well, though not entirely as planned.  Fishing was good, I ended up with two dolphin and a small kingfish (hope to have pictures later in the week) and I love being out on the ocean.  There is something about it that brings a peace to my heart that I can’t explain.  Even when you have too much to think about and your mind starts to run through scenarios you would never otherwise imagine, it’s the vastness of the ocean, knowing that the world is a place larger than I can imagine that keeps me grounded… whew, sorry, getting a little philosophical… it’s the oceans fault!

Coming back Saturday afternoon, the poker game fell apart which was fine by me as I was beat and in desperate need of a long winter nap.  After cleaning the boat and the fish, I headed back home for the shower and pass out session that my body was asking for.  Just as I finish dryer off and throwing on some comfortable shorts, my roommate tells me to get dressed as we are going out.  So… after 2 red bull drinks, a shave and a scream for energy, we were off to find some trouble.  We started out at a bar/restaurant when the wait staff rotates on stage singing songs.  They are all pretty talented and it’s typically a good show.  After a few hours of that and me getting tired of playing Wayne’s wingman (I love the guy but his game is in serious need of some help!) Wayne decides he has had enough of rejection and wants to go to our favorite “gentleman’s club” to see a girl he had met the night before.  Its 11:30pm at this point and they will be closing in another 2 hours so… he twists my arm and I go.  After a few minutes of getting swarmed by women wanting to take me to the back room for lap dances and shot girls wanting me to drink shots from their boobs (like 20 other guys hadn’t done it already that night… I’m not licking some other guys spit… ewww!), Wayne finds the girl he was looking for and takes her in the back.  This leaves me alone, sitting at a table, watching the girls dance on stage.  I felt like a dirty old creep!  I mean, Wayne and I make fun of those guys and he just turned me into one!  So I spend the rest of the night (Wayne was back there for quite a while!) talking and flirting with every dancer/waitress/shot girl I could find so they would sit at the table with me and I wouldn’t look like too much of a dirty old man (there is a small element of that you really can’t get away from as we were there in the first place!).  After he is done with what he had came there to do, we head back to the house and throw darts til about 4am.

Today has been spent recuperating and being domestic.  I still have things to do but felt like a break and there is nothing better than telling my life to millions of strangers, right?  Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend and I’ll see you later. :)

I’m having a hard time getting everything out for part 3 of the story, it was a pretty difficult and embarrassing time in his life so I’ve decided to take a small break from it and tell the story I’ve been mentioning throughout my blog for a while now… the 3 day bachelor party in Tampa.

It technically was 48 hours in Tampa but the time spanned over 3 days…

My best friend and current roommate Wayne had decided to get married.  He had been with the girl for 7 years or so and they had a child together so I guess it was a logical step in the progression of their relationship.  Keep in mind that nobody, and I mean nobody, liked this girl… at all… but, anybody that knows Wayne either loves him or hates him so we that stick around are very loyal to him and we accept her for what she is, a bitch, but part of his life that he loves (still, to this day, can not figure why… oh well, love is deaf, dumb, blind, stupid and can’t smell, right?).  At the time he told me this, I was living in Houston.  He called and told me he was going to marry Jenn (the bitch) and after I picked myself up off the floor and talked myself out of throwing my body off the balcony of my apartment, I congratulated him and told him whatever he needed from me, he had.  He had asked one of his childhood friends to be his best man but sincerely wanted me to be a groomsman and I happily accepted (plus, weddings are one of the best places to pick up chicks, especially if you’re in the wedding party!).  Over the next several months, the groomsman planned the bachelor party.  We started out with Miami, then Vegas, but settled on Tampa as it was convenient to everyone (except me and one other guy coming from Nebraska but we were going to have to travel anyway).  The wedding was going to be in February so we picked a weekend in mid January and set the plans in motion.

I got into Jacksonville (was going to ride down to Tampa w/Wayne and a few fellas, there were 16 of us in all in Tampa) on a Friday morning and Wayne came to pick me up at the airport.  I climbed in the truck with everyone and began to drink.  The drinking did not stop, except for sleep (and I’m not sure it even stopped then?) until Sunday morning around 5am.  We arrived at our hotel about 4pm, it was just down the street from the Yanks spring training facility and one of the fellas had a tour set up for us.  We do the tour, take some batting practice and run the bases like little boys.  It was a great start to the weekend.

After a shower and a change of clothes, we all hop in the rented bus we have for the weekend and begin the night time festivities with a decent dinner and then it is off to our first strip club.  The first club is a true bikini bar where the women do not take their tops or bottoms off.  The reason for this is that the “full nude” establishments in Tampa do not serve alcohol (now what fun is that?).  We had sent the best man ahead of us to grease the door man and get some extra curricular fun set up.  He did a good job and got the owner involved and all of us were treated like kings in that place.  They had a table set up for us right next to the stage and always made sure our glasses, along with our laps, were full.  The girls were very cute and polite, just not rocket scientist material, but sweet never the less.  After a few hours of that, we moved to the full nude bar and I was not impressed.  Ugly and sloppy chicks’ showing me their goods just doesn’t do it for me, especially coming from what we just had.  A few of us leave Wayne there so his buzz can wear off and he can have boobies, along with other things, shoved in his face and we go back to the bikini bar where we are welcomed with open arms and some of the cutest butts you would ever want to see (why wouldn’t they welcome us, can you imagine the money we dropped in that place?  Especially the second night!).  Eventually everyone makes it back over to us and we close the place down with a round on the house and lap dances for the bachelor party in the back.  I grabbed the cutie I had been talking to most of the night and let her show me her appreciation ;) (sometimes it’s good to be a guy!).

We get back to the hotel about 4am (after chatting with a few of the dancers after closing about where the parties were the next night) and had to be up and ready at 8am for a 9:15am tee time (ugh!!).  It should go without saying that none of us shot a score I am willing to post to the public but it was a very nice course out by the bay and we did decide to play from the black tees as it was the first time playing this course for most of us and we wanted to see the whole thing.  It was the worst score I had shot in years!  It was only the second time I had ever had a caddie (which for a golfer is a must have experience before you die… a good caddie can make a round) so I just let him hand me clubs and whacked the ball without thinking.  I’d love to go back down there stone cold sober and play the course again.

Part 2 coming shortly...

After lunch at the course, we head back to the hotel to grab a couple hours of sleep and a shower.  Notice I said the shower part second, I hit my room and fell face first on the bed and didn’t move until Chris pulled me off the bed by my feet and I slammed on the floor.  Being he was so nice to do that for me, I leg sweep him and jump on his back and proceed to make sure he has a good rug burn on his face.  Boys will be boys!  Seeing how we were up and it was pushing 6pm, we decide everybody should be up and run down the hall banging on the 5 rooms that we had.  Oh yeah, it was on… royal rumble.  (Btw, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right, we never did grow up).  Bumps, bruises, a hole in the wall caused by Wayne’s head and $50 to the maintenance guy later, we hit the showers to clean up and smell good for another night of drooling over women’s goodies.

No dinner tonight, we were all good and buzzed and had some food in our bellies from lunch… we were getting tore up tonight.  Plus, we thought if we could get Wayne drunk enough, we could get him laid and he’d think twice before marrying Jenn (ok, not the nicest thing to do but it seemed like a good idea at the time, plus, if you read it all you’ll get a surprise at the end of the story… wonder why I’m living with the guy that was supposed to get married?).  We hit a club the dancers had told us about the night before and what do you know, a few of them (including my private dancer) had shown up.  We drink and dance with them for a few hours and then its time to head out to our new favorite hang out for some more purchased female attention.  The dancers decide they are gonna hang with us (why wouldn’t they, we are so cool ;) ) and we walk into the place like triumphant warriors back from the battle.  The two hostesses from the night before were working and set up our table and remember what all but 2 of us were drinking (I was impressed, especially in a place like that).  The night continues on and we get Wayne back on stage (the same thing had happened the night before), tied to a chair and women slobbering all over him.  Considering it cost us all $10 and he had about 8 women fighting over his attention, it was money well spent.  Later, towards the end of the night Jessica (my dancer) tells me she wants to take me in back with her friend and they proceed to give me one of the best lap dances I have ever had (guys, if you haven’t had two dancers give you a dance at the same time, you must do it, it is a treat).  They keep me back there for 4 or 5 songs (who knows, I wasn’t counting!) and get me all horned up.  I tip the other girl because she was losing money paying attention to me (Jessica was free… well, not free I had been feeding her drinks all night but whatever!).  We close the place down again and as the last song, we all get on the stage and dance with the girls, I’m sure it was a sight to see.

As we are leaving, we (Brian, Steve and me) talk most of the girls into coming back to the hotel with us.  We had 11 guys at the hotel and ended up with 12 dancers coming back with us (I still think that is some kind of record for a group pickup but haven’t been able to track down the actual record).  The last drink I have was a shot of Jager at approx. 5am.  That was the last thing I remember until waking up at 11am.  I roll over and call the front desk to request a late checkout for the rooms we have and was told someone (Chris) had already called to set that up.  He must have done it while I was passed out because he was dead to the world when I woke!  Before I lay back down, I notice that in my room it was me, Chris and 5 girls in various stages of “coverage”.  I’m pretty sure nothing happened with me (Jessica was right beside me but had the important stuff on) and if it did it was rape but it makes for a good story and some pretty wild thoughts!  We have pictures of Wayne laying on his bed with 3 girls and other blackmail material on some other guys but the Vegas rule was applied… the details of what happened in Tampa, stays in Tampa… and we are sworn to secrecy (hence, I’ve had to leave some stuff out… just use your dirtiest imagination… then get nasty… that should cover it).  I can say I did the stand up thing and got Jessica’s number.  We talked a few times but seeing as she was 22 and I was 33 and lived 1000 miles apart AND considering how we met, we both knew it was pointless.  I can only hope I remain a memory for her as she is for me.

We were out of the hotel by 3pm and headed back to Jax.  I flew back to Houston Tuesday morning after spending the day with my parents on Monday.  I had the memories of the best bachelor party I had ever been involved with to keep me company on the flight back and even today smile when I think of that time.

So you ask,… what happened?  We know Wayne is your roommate, how does Jenn feel about that?  Well, the week prior, she had her bachelorette party in Orlando and did something she shouldn’t have done.  Then the moron gave her number to the guy and he called… yada, yada, yada… drama followed and the wedding never happened.  My ex-wife was actually down there with her and for only the second time since the divorce, called me and told me what she had saw and what she thought happened (which turned out to be true) but I told her to keep it to herself as she did not witness the actual act and we had Wayne draped with girls the entire weekend.  I am so thankful I didn’t have to have that conversation with him as it came out a few days later.  When I told him what Dana and I had talked about, he actually thanked me for my discretion and was glad it came out the way it did instead of me telling him.  To this day, Jenn has never apologized for her actions.

Sorry for the sad ending to what I think is a great story but everything comes full circle.  Life is a journey and you have to take the good with the bad.  Don’t worry about Wayne, I have him watching the movie “Hitch” 3 times a week and we are working on his game… he’s a good guy and he’ll get what he’s looking for.  I hope we all do.

Over the last few days, I’ve begun to wonder what has happened to the art of public speaking.  Not only in reading some blogs but in my new job, I work with a bunch of kids right out of college, this being their first or second job.  I watch and listen to some of these “kids” and just want to smack them in the back of the head.  I’m beginning to fear that the age of the internet is stealing the skill of public speaking from the current generation being educated.  There are actually a few of them, along with some bloggers, that have what it takes.  You can see it, they have the charisma and presence about them to be very good at it but just choose to take the lazy way out.

Who is going to be the Bill Clinton of that generation?  That guy held an audience in the palm of his hand.  He was a great speaker.  When he put the “aw shucks” Arkansas thing in with his natural charisma… that in itself won him the election the first time around.  Big George could not compete with that.  Politics aside, the guy could inspire.  Look no further than today’s young athlete as an example.  Sure there are exceptions, but for the majority, they have difficulty expressing themselves verbally.

When I was younger, I joined Toastmasters.  They are a group that educate and encourage public speaking.  I didn’t join because I had a problem with it, I’ve always been able to speak to groups of people, large or small, but I joined so that I could be better at it.  With CNN.com, blogs, IM, e-mail, chatting, etc. beginning to be large part of the cornerstone of our lives, what are we showing them but interpersonal contact is not relevant to our existence.  Honestly, convenience is the enemy of humanity.  I could go on for days how this is true (from electricity, telephone, and refrigeration, to internet shopping, drive thru windows and self checkout lines) but the reality of it all is that we have done it to ourselves.

As a kid, if I were inside during summer break it was because I was sick or I had to use the bathroom (even then sometimes we never made it inside!).  Skin Cancer, what’s that?  I’m a teenage boy and I’m taking my shirt off to get a tan and impress the girls!  My bicycle was the most important thing to me and my symbol of freedom.  Anywhere within a 10 mile radius was my domain.  Now, the web has enabled us to have a limitless domain.  Again, is there something wrong with that?  Or, perhaps, have we destroyed the neighborhood street corner when I earned my bachelor degree?

I don’t know, I’ve gone off on a little bit of a rant tonight and jumped around some but it just seems that the more convenient things become, the more we seem to lose of ourselves.  Am I just being paranoid?  Is this really an issue?  Am I chicken little or is the sky really falling?  There is a bunch more bouncing around in my head, I just don’t feel like writing it down… why not join the rest of the crowd, I’m taking the lazy way out.  Somebody smarter than me prove me wrong. 

The floor is now open for debate… the gentleperson from X now has the floor…

I was laying here in bed reading and listening to some music and figured I’d tell everyone about my day… basically what I’m saying is there is no way I’m getting to sleep anytime soon so…

I quit my job today.  I had been talking about it for the last few days (not here but to myself… well, not to myself so much as… ah hell, forget it, you know what I mean).  I thought I knew what it was before I got into it but it turned very sleazy very quickly and I’m just not about that.  I’ve been pretty good with money so I can theoretically wait it out for the other two big things I have working but just to be on the safe side (and so I don’t put my head through the wall from boredom), I put in applications at Home Depot and Lowe’s.  I’ve always wanted to wear the orange apron!  Screwdrivers aisle 4, lawn mowers by the garden center, do you need help loading that in your truck?  See, I’m a natural!  That and (here goes half of my readers), I watch NASCAR and think Tony Stewart is the man.  I’m a sports geek, we all know that… if it’s got a score, I watch it.

I attempted to cook dinner tonight.  I say attempted because cooking is not a skill I have.  Wayne does most of the actual cooking around here (things that require something other than the microwave) but I grilled some chicken trying to chip in.  It was edible and that is all I’m going to say about that.

I will tell you something cute that just happened a few minutes ago… I’ve told you all that Wayne (my roommate) has a 5 year old little girl.  She is staying with him for the summer and I’ve know her since birth but she is a spoiled brat!  Hissy fits, yelling, tantrums, slamming doors,… the works!  We get along though, I give her candy! (don’t tell Wayne!!)  Anyway, her bedroom is down the hall from mine and her daddy’s is on the other side of the house.  She has a bad dream and wakes up crying so I bounce out of my bed to go calm her down and meet her in the hallway.  No sooner than I scoop her up in my arms is her father right beside me.  Two grown men standing in the hallway loving on this little girl because she had a bad dream… tell me she doesn’t run this house!

That’s all I have… Lance, barring the world coming to an end, should win the tour and I’ll put out a summary/tribute to him sometime this weekend along with, hopefully, part 3 of the story.  I’m going to have to come up with a new theme for my blog though, any suggestions?

You can’t handle the truth!  Folks, we live in world that has blogs.  And those blogs need to be updated by people with keyboards.  Who’s gonna do it?  You?  You, ____ (fill in the blank with your favorite mediocre blogger) ?  I have a greater responsibility that you can possibly fathom.  You weep for mediocre bloggers and you curse me.  You have that luxury.  You have the luxury of not knowing what I know:  that the silence of mediocre bloggers, while tragic, probably saved brain cells.  Any my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves brain cells… You don’t want the truth.  Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about on your blog, you want me on this blog.  You need me on this blog.

I use words like Diana, journey, bachelor party… I use these words as the backbone to a life spent blogging.  You use ‘em as a punchline in poetry and song lyrics.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a blogger who rises and sleeps under the text of my blogs that I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!  I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard and post a blog.  Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!

Don’t ask… this has no relevance, I’m just feeling a little goofy.

Warning... heavily edited so it may be a bit choppy.

As I said in my quick post, I watched the movie “Troy” last night.  It was the first time I had seen it and hadn’t really heard any good things about it but I was bored and it was in Wayne’s collection so I figured, why not?

Overall, I thought it was a decent flick.  A love story at the core, it still contained lots of testosterone, fighting, a decent message (from The Iliad, but still), a good amount of sword play and some great lines.  One of which I have used as the subject line for this post.  The line is used in the context of Achilles replying to a young man that is fearful of battling a larger warrior.  The boy states, “He is the largest man I have ever seen, I wouldn’t want to fight him” and in turn, our hero says, “That is why no one will remember your name.”.  Let’s discuss that for a while…

It is important for us to be remembered.  How do you feel when you begin talking to someone and they have forgotten your name?  Even though you will politely remind them and blow it off as its no big deal, don’t you get a twinge in your stomach?  They feeling of, ‘why wasn’t I important enough or make enough of an impression for them to remember my name?’.  Personally, I’ve always liked my name.  It is not ordinary, quite easy for people to remember and I like to think I make an impression when I speak to someone so I do get that twinge when people ask me, ‘what’s your name again’?  Sometimes I feel like saying, “Its Rocky you moron, how could you forget that?”, but in truth, my first thought is, ‘why didn’t they remember my name?’.

Achilles is rebellious, arrogant, and seemingly invincible.  He throws caution to the wind and travels to fight a war that he will not come back from, all so that his name will be remembered.  In the end he dies because of a woman (leave it to a woman to screw up a perfectly good reputation!), but it was that important to him to never let his name be forgotten.  He accomplished his goal. 

How far would you go to be remembered?

For those of you who read my blog with any regularity, you know that I have been asked to watch my roommates’ daughter this week.  That task has been extended through the end of next week (here in Florida, school starts the week after that).  I’m sure this was done out of desperation considering my extensive child raising experience but I am happy to help regardless.

Yesterday was pretty non-eventful which was fine by me.  We had a peanut butter sandwich and chips for lunch and she basically watched cartoons in between running out back to play on the trampoline.  Today was our first trip out in public.

I took her to one of the local athletic clubs to go swimming.  She was actually pretty decent and I only had to rap her on the top of the head a few times (I’m just teasing but she did tell me no once and I was ready to put the fear of God in her!).  It took her a little bit to get used to the kids at the pool so we played together for about 15 minutes or so and then she was off with the other heathens and I got to lay out and get some badly needed sun for the rest of the time.  All in all it was a pretty good day.

*** Added bonus ***

We all know my dry spell and the extent of it so you figure, I was at a pool, single moms all around me, I could hook up right?  Nope, not the Rockstar, I end up hooking up Wayne.  How the he77 did that happen?  I didn’t even see it coming!  I was just sitting there, talking with this nice woman I know and then, out of the blue, she asks, “Do you know what Wayne is up to this weekend?”.  Huh?  Sweetie, do you realize what is sitting right in front of you?  Anyway, whatever, pfffftt!  So, after playing middle man for a few minutes, I end up getting him a lunch date for Saturday.  That guy has no idea what this is gonna cost him, he’s going to be doing my laundry for a month!

Oh well, what are friends for, right?

After a long night last night and a long day today, I was looking forward to my pillow early this evening.  I did everything I was supposed to in order to prepare for an early night and was very happy to fall into bed about 9pm.  I’m not much of a TV guy but I decided to turn it on and flip through it to see if I could maybe catch a game or something.  I come across a show on ABC about online dating called ‘Hooking Up’.  This show has gotten me up on my soapbox and there is no way I’m getting to sleep anytime soon… Let’s just say I’m pretty wound up about this subject.

There is a young woman on the show named Amy.  She is a cutie, there is just no other way to describe her.  She seems smart and to have it together.  A definite catch from initial appearances.  She begins dating a fairly good looking young man, sleeps with him on the second date and then when he doesn’t call on her timeframe, she gets upset.  Then when he does call and doesn’t give her the response she was looking for she gets upset with him and decided that she was going to “cut him off” since that seemed like the only thing he was interested in.  When earlier, she had said that they were both adults and it was not like they hadn’t done it before (with other people).  Huh?  You established something you do not intend to continue, why would you do that?  I understand if a mistake was made or if you feel the relationship was moving too fast and you would like to re-evaluate it and the priorities of those involved but it seemed to me that her motivation was to simply induce a commitment from someone after having sex with them.  This is not the type of person I want to mother my children.  This is not the type of person I want to bring home to meet my hero, my father.  I honestly felt a little embarrassed for her.

You put my heart on a timeline, I put you on the curb.  It is as simple as that.  You want to control the pace of the relationship?  Fine.  Lead us then.  I’m just as good at following as I am at leading.  You want me to control the pace of the relationship?  Fine.  Hang on and I’ll take you for the ride of your life.  You want to grow together, as we should, have our relationship develop over time building from a friendship as all the best relationships are?  You have to let that happen.  Your ‘biological clock’ can not be part of the decision making process.  If you do that, I will give you the world and everything I am, or die trying.  Why isn’t that good enough?  Why not give us the chance to prove that instead of going from step 1 to step 44 right this second? 

I tired the online dating thing for a while.  Didn’t really take for me.  It was an e-mail or two, a phone call and I was getting them out public, face to face.  That is where I eat.  That is where I make my impression.  If you don’t like me, fine, but I’m going to make sure you get my best before you make that decision.  I recently had my first ‘pure’ online relationship.  Things went very fast, much faster than what I’m used to feeling and some things were missed along the way that caused a bit of conflict.  All is well now and it has been decided that it would be best for all concerned to re-evaluate the relationship and return, for the most part, to our lives and perhaps one day come back together and discuss a relationship.  I’m fine with this and the experience was one I will never forget.  Will I do it again?  Never say never but I will tell you I will be better prepared, mentally, for the rush of feelings that I felt and how to deal with them outside my comfort zone.

Women, you want to know what is wrong with men?  You want to know why it is so difficult to find a ‘good man’?  Watch this show.  Everything that we as men regularly complain about is encompassed in this show. 

Keep in mind, I know we (men) are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  I do not want this to seem as ‘women bashing’ (contrary to my last post, anyone that has known me for any length of time knows that I will never give up women, you guys are our saviors) but the character Amy that I have beat up on here is typical of how we see women today.

I am a catch.  I know this.  I’m funny, smart, sweet, easy on the eyes, full of life, etc.  I have a ton to offer a woman.  There are plenty of women out there that have just as much and more than I have to offer.  You guys say you don’t want people that play games?  Then don’t get mad at us when you are playing a game and we decide we have had enough.  It just isn’t fair.

As always, someone smarter than me tell me I’m wrong.  Prove it to me, I want to be wrong.

... and the best kiss you've ever had, if... you come do my laundry for me.

I HATE LAUNDRY!

I’m in a mood today.  It probably has a lot to do with me not getting laid in forever!  You are just going to have to indulge me and listen to me rant for a while.  I will return us to our normally scheduled programming shortly but for now, this is on my mind.

Could there be one?  Could there be that one person that was created to fit with you like those favorite pair of jeans you just can’t bring yourself to throw away? The one you kiss so many times just because you are scared that if you don’t get that last kiss in, right now, you may not get another chance to kiss her again.

How do you know?  How do you know that she is the one?  How do you know that you didn’t bump into her at the laundry mat already?  You know the one, the one that asked for a dryer sheet because she ran out.  She was pretty and had a great smile but you just weren’t in the mood to flirt with anyone right then.  What if that was her?

What do you do when you may have had that person but you lost them?  You know she wasn’t perfect for you and you two had your differences but so much time and effort was put into making you a couple and then you threw it all away.  Maybe if you just asked that right question or made one more sacrifice, gave a little more of yourself, perhaps then… no, that’s not how it is supposed to work.  Relationships are work but are they supposed to be that much work, are they?  Where do you draw the line?  Where do you stop giving and start being true to yourself?  Is it your fault that you didn’t show her everything about yourself before starting that lifelong commitment?  Is it your fault because you are the man and it is your responsibility to preserve the sanctity of marriage?

Is there one?  Is there two?  If there is more than one, where the hell is she and how do I find her?  Holy shit, what am I saying, how do you find the one? (and don’t tell me not to look, I don’t function like that!)

I published this list before but as I go through it, I felt it was needed again (not sure for who, probably myself but I like to share :) ).  I now call it my ‘next wife’ checklist and will be referencing it from this point on.  That should keep me unmarried for… the rest of my life! … (in no particular order and courtesy of Men.com)

She takes the initiative to stand or sit close to you.

She compliments you frequently.

She touches you.

Her eyes sparkle when she looks at you.

She is curious to know everything about you.

She endeavors to discover what’s important to you and what makes you tick, so she asks you a lot of questions about yourself, but not in an obnoxious, prying or pushy kind of way.

She gives you small gifts.

She calls you and asks you out.

She makes a big deal about your birthday.

She cooks your favorite meal at least once a month.

She builds your ego.

She’s supportive.

She’s consistently loving and affectionate.

When you’re sick, she is your dedicated nurse.

She often turns into a playful little girl when she’s around you.

She respects your opinion.

She asks you for advice.

She’s consistent and dependable.

She keeps her word.

She’s never late.

She’s fiercely loyal.

She backs you up when the chips are down.

She doesn’t put you down in public or nag.

She doesn’t compare you to other guys.

She makes you feel like a better man than you know you are.

Her knees buckle when she kisses you.

She thinks its great that you out with your buddies once a week.

She doesn’t try to control you as much as other women do.

When football is on she knows not to talk and ask dumb questions.

Every girl in town thinks you’re ugly as sin, but she thinks you look like Brad Pitt.

She thinks that your beer belly is made of muscle.

When you say, “Honey, tomorrow morning you and I are going to rob the local bank at nine o’clock”.  She says, “I’ll be ready”.

When I last posted this, I questioned the validity of lists in general and even asked the question, “Is this how you define love?”.  No, of course not.  But that does make me ask the next logical (well, to me it’s logical), how do I define love?  You know what, you don’t even have to meet all the criteria, just freakin put the effort in.  Try damn it, that’s all I ask.  I have only two physical requirements for women, that’s it.  Anybody that has spoken to me knows what they are, I’m not picky, why is this so hard?

That’s it.  That is my rant for the day.  I will leave you with this last thought… Is there one or do we make a person “one” by compromising and sacrifice?  If so, what is so wrong with that?  Isn’t it still love?

create your own visited states map or check out these Google Hacks.

Blognapped from virtualgraffiti

In honor of training camps all around the league opening this week and the fact I wasn’t pleased with the whole space shuttle theme I had going on, I have decided to make one of my friends happy and let her drool all over Brett Favre when she comes to visit my blog.  I’ve gone with the Packer colors and will leave it up through Sunday but then I’m really gonna have to come up with something.  I finally found a decent sailboat that I like, its not perfect but it will do until I either come up with a better one or buy my own!  The problem is I can’t get a backround to make me happy.  Oh well, I guess if this is my biggest worry, I’m doing pretty damn good.  Speaking of which…

I’ve noticed that my last few posts have been me ranting about love/romance.  Though it may appear that I am somewhat bitter, please let me reassure you than I am anything but bitter when it comes to that subject.  I am, however, passionate about the relationships between men and women and will continue to write about them.  Hopefully, in the future, it will be on a more positive note :)

I had hoped to hear about the job situation this week.  I really should hear about the job situation this week.  I want to hear about the job situation this week.  I need to hear about the job situation this week! (are we picking up on the theme here?).  I currently have an e-mail out and that response should dictate which one of the two options I’m going to go with.  Just waiting on the response…  Other than that, I’m going out of my mind with boredom and watching Chloe (which hasn’t turned out to be as bad as I thought).

I have am seeing an ex girlfriend this weekend.  For those of you that know me, you know I’ve been debating this for about a month now but have decided to let her come down (she lives in Georgia) for the weekend.  She’s done a pretty good job of beating into my head the “friends” thing and that she just misses hanging out with me, needs to get out of town, no strings, no pressure… yada, yada, yada.  This was the last girl I dated and she actually broke up with me 3 times… in a month!  I’m not quite sure why I’m letting this happen, I do have other things to do this weekend but, as I’ve said before, I’m a big believer in effort and she has put in the effort and seems sincerely interested in being friends.  As much as I talk about my ‘dry spell’, I’d rather just go pick up a stranger than get back in to that imminent heart ache so we’ll see if I can stick to my guns.

Other than that, I’m working on the next installment of the Journey story (it gets harder as time moves on, the emotions of the experiences of recent times get harder to write) and passing time.  I did have an interesting conversation last night in which I was called a ‘dorkasaur’ which I don’t think I’ve heard since the sixth grade but saying that was the highlight of my evening is depressing!

You know… as I travel around cyberspace, I never buckle my seatbelt.  I mean, what’s the point?  I stop and get out so much it’s just a real pain in the butt.  If you ever see me, make sure you wave.  Also, if you’re not using your turn signals in cyberspace, expect the same treatment from me you would get in the real world… a pretty little finger describing my love for your tactics.  Did you know you can now get a ticket in Florida if you change lanes/turn without using your turn signal?  Just one more reason I love living in Florida!

I’ve been thinking about something the last couple of days.  My post on 8/1 discussed the “one”.  In three separate blogs, I’ve noticed that the second paragraph has been quoted directly.  One person referenced where they got it from but the other two did not, just that they had read it in ‘some blog’.  At first, when I read this, I was a little taken back.  Honestly, it was pretty neat to see someone take what you had written and use it to talk about their thoughts and feelings.  It gave me the warm, tingly feeling that maybe in some small way, I might have helped someone that day.  However, the more I thought about it, I actually began to get a little upset.  It is very rare I will quote someone or use somebodies text in my blog and if I do, I will typically ask them first or at the very least, give them credit with some kind of reference.  I’m not talking about the goofy little quizzes or pictures (like the map I posted the other day but even for that I gave credit to where it came from), I’m not talking about those, they move around like chain e-mails.  I’m talking about actual words, thoughts, feelings, etc.  Like everyone, from time to time I will read something that inspires me and may even post about it.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with using posts for inspiration.  Though the stuff I write isn’t typically the same, I read a lot of leedman's blog and he has some really great stuff in there.  But that is simply a point of inspiration, and not only for blogs, I would never use his ideas without giving him credit.  Let’s get some thoughts on this, I’m really curious to hear what everyone has to say.  Am I just being vain or is this really something everyone can get behind?  Don’t be shy and don’t hold back, I want to hear some feedback on this one.  Again, everything is welcome but if you call me a sniffling little punk b!tch, I have some smackdown waiting for you.

I have a standing invitation for the whole $10 and kiss thing for my laundry.  I’m going to talk my ex into helping me this weekend but next week I’m on my own.  Oh yeah, and can anyone tell me how to post a song in my blog?  Thanks to my new friend wierdkid, I now have a new theme song and I want to post it.  Why a theme song you ask?  Well, every good superhero needs a theme song! (10 extra points to anyone and everyone that can name the movie from which that quote came from).

Until next time…  nothing… I have nothing to say until next time.  I was going to say something about a post I read today but I guess I just have nothing to say.

So… well, it was a weekend… that’s about the best thing I can say about it.  Actually, that’s not true, it was a decent weekend.  Just had some drama to deal with and we all know how I just love that (can you feel the sarcasm?).

Jamie got down here Friday evening and we hung out at the house, had some food, watched a movie, etc.  Everything went fairly well.  We went to the beach Saturday because, well, I live on the coast of Florida and when you live here, that’s what you do!  Wayne and Chloe went with us so in between me laying out and catching up on some light reading, we goofed around in the ocean with them (have I mentioned how much I love the ocean?).  Everything was going peachy keen up until this moment…

She had left her cell phone in the truck so when we got back, she had a voice mail from her ex mother-in-law to call her as soon as possible.  It seems that her ex-husband (‘T’) hit his current girlfriend (‘G’) and broke her nose.  A real winner, huh?  To make matters worse, when the cops came, G admitted to hitting him first so they took them both to jail.  On a weekend, which means the earliest they can get out is Monday!  To avoid her knowing this, T called his parents and had them pick up the kids (Jamie has 2… boy-7 and girl-2).  I’m not sure what he had in mind to say when she had to pick them up this evening but T’s mom (thank God for common sense) decided to spill the beans and call Jamie to let her know what was going on.  Needless to say, I spent the next couple of hours trying to calm her down and telling her that everything would be ok.  So much for a nice, relaxing evening…

After she calmed down and spoke again to her ex in-laws and found out that everything was fine and the kids were having a good time, she decided to stay and leave early this morning.  Alas, I let her off the hook for my laundry (which I am doing now) but she had an eventful weekend so I decided to give her a break.

Side note… Let me just say again, for the record, there is nothing and I mean nothing, that anyone can do to you that would call for physical violence in return.  Boys will be boys and we have all had our little encounters defending our ego against other boys but… Girls, I don’t care what he does do not provoke him to the point that you feel he is going to physically going to harm you.  For those of you women that have had the unforgivable experience of being hit by a man, you know we hit hard!  We hit with the intent of destroying whatever we come in contact with.  You don’t want that kind of fury taken out on you.  Trust me, don’t be a bad ass, don’t be proud… just leave.  Guys… there is nothing she can do or say that is bad enough that you feel you have to physically harm her.  I don’t care if she is the biggest bitch/slut in the world, she is still a girl and not equipped to handle your fist.  Women are the caregivers of our world, they are our gifts from God and to strike a blow against them is to strike a blow against Him and no matter what you believe, you don’t want to piss Him off.  For evidence, real your Old Testament.  Even if you think that stuff is made up, do you really want to risk that kind of vengeance?

I’ll leave you with this thought…  What is it about Angelina Jolie?  I do not find her attractive but, for some reason, everyone (including some goofball that wrote an article on MSN today) seems to find her incredibly hot!  I see that woman in a club, I walk right by here.  No shit, I don’t even give her the courtesy up and down-back look.  I think I’ll post my top 20 women next time, give the public a real look at some amazing women…

20.  Diane Lane – May have the best rack I’ve ever seen

21.  Halle Berry – You couldn’t create a list of beautiful women and not have her on it

22.  Catherine Bell – Just cause you gotta love a woman in uniform!

23.  Tiffani-Amber Thiessen – Can you say ‘hourglass’ figure??

24.  Dana Delany – I don’t know what it is about her but I’ve had a crush on her since I was a kid. 

25.  Linsday Lohan – Before the weight loss

26.  Jennie Finch – Girl softball players rock! 

27.  Gabrielle Union -- NICE

28.  Kate Beckinsale – It’s the accent, that’s all… ok, maybe it’s a little more

29.  Sandra Bullock – All American girl next door

30.  Jennifer Love Hewitt – If not for Diane Lane, the best rack I have ever seen

31. Kelly Rowland – Easily the best looking member of Destiny’s Child

10.  Tyra Banks – No commentary needed

11.  Ashley Judd – Sweet southern belle… with a kick!

12.  Ali Landry – Never did eating a Dorito look so good

13.  Jennifer Aniston – She’s single now!  Hang on baby, I’m coming :)

14.  Elizabeth Hurley – Quite possible the perfect face… and a body to match

15. Jessica Alba – Gotta like a girl that can whip you

16.  Eva Longoria – Yeah, yeah, yeah…

17.  Brande Roderick – because I had to have 1 total sex babe in here.

18.  Heather Graham – She’s beautiful but she’s here just because I met her and tried to pick her up.  Got shot down :(

19.  Eliza Dushku – Yummy attitude

Why 31 women you may ask… well, 30 of them are for your viewing pleasure, the 1 is still here for your viewing pleasure, however, she is my next wife so I will leave you to fight over the other 30.  Please keep in mind that this list was created from a recent list of beauties and is not intended to encompass the most beautiful women in the world, just what I like.  There are other women (i.e., Audry Hepburn, Eva Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, etc.) that are not listed here.  Perhaps, in the future, I will create a similar list for those women.  Also, this is a list of “popular” women meaning, for most of us, these women are “untouchable” for the normal guy (although I did hit on Heather Graham).  I know many women that, if given a choice, I would probably choose them over anyone on this list.

Note for female visitors:  If you are to fight over any of the women on the list, please notify the author prior to fighting as he will want to observe and possibly record.

1.  Rachel Weisz -- timeless and authentic beauty

2.  Jessica Simpson – Guilty pleasure

3.  Salma Hayek – Built for sin… and a Hispanic accent to boot ;)

4.  Brittney Spears – Doe eyes and a traffic stopping smile

5.  Kelly Preston -- Wow

6.  Alicia Silverstone – Just look at her… can you be more cute?

7.  Heather Locklear – From 20 to 50 one of the most beautiful women… ever

8.  Katie Holmes – I watched her grow up.  I’d feel bad about sleeping with her… for about 10 whole seconds

9.  Kate Bosworth – Oh yeah, I think she’s all that and then some… wait until she’s single!

What a week!  Good things, bad things, normal things... It was good to be unplugged.  However, the Mindsay drug has taken effect again and I am back to continue my posting sins.  I hope everyone had a great couple of days and I'm off to read about the exciting and wonderful things that you have decided to share.

Rocky

The summer has a way of warming the Earth.  Being in the south during the summer will ensure you will be hot during the day.  Being in Texas during the summer will ensure you sweat during the day.  Being in south Texas, one of the most southern areas in the country will ensure you will lose weight just by opening your eyes in the morning.

Beginning basic training was not too much different than the experiences he had growing up with his father.  Being a career military officer, his father ran a disciplined household and commanded respect in any room he was in.  Also knowing that the JROTC he took in high school guaranteed him an opportunity of cutting this training short, he felt as comfortable as one could in this atmosphere.  After a few challenges, he was giving 4 days to study for a test others have 4 weeks to study for.  With the help of a few of his new friends, he passes the written exam and the physical tests with little effort and is off to his first duty station, the great state of Montana. 

Having the wonderful opportunity of traveling the world with his family had prepared him to enjoy all the glories and wonder of Montana.  Some of the most beautiful scenery his eyes had even taken in was done in the years he spent in Montana.  He was happy and content but he was also lonely.  He was used to being in strange places and making new friends quickly but he missed his best friend.  Her name was Tracy.  He started hanging out with Tracy when he returned from Germany and eventually, their friendship turned into a relationship.  He did not have the unexplainable feeling in the pit of his stomach for her (as he had with Jennifer) but she was, without a doubt, the best friend he had ever had.  After dating a few of the local girls in Montana, he called Tracy and asked her to come and stay with him.  She didn’t hesitate when saying yes and came out a week later.  They played house for a while and since everything was going well, decided to go to the courthouse and make it legal.  It didn’t seem that either one of them was thinking past tomorrow but, in a way, it didn’t seem to matter as both of them were very happy where each other, and them as a couple today.

As time passed, they both realized neither one of them was what the other wanted but decided their friendship was so strong and something they didn’t want to lose, so they opened their relationship to ensure each was getting the proper satisfaction and attention each desired.  The part that they missed is that the relationship has to be strong both mentally and physically for that type of change to work.  The relationship held together until he left the military and they moved back to Maryland.  He thought this was the continuation of his life, that the military was nothing more than a break from reality.  He had his best friend with him all the time, he was back to what he considered home and the makings of a decent job.  He could be with anyone he wanted (providing he had enough charm to talk whoever that was into it).  Then the time came for the “family” discussion.  They both asked each other if they were ready to be parents.  Were they both ready for that responsibility?  The answer was yes but the next question was far more difficult.  Was there enough love in their relationship to be able to share it with a child?  To get to the root of the question, did they want to have a child together?  That answer was much different.

I was recently told that when you are with a person you love, you will want to have a child with them.  You will want some small part of them to live on and give you another part or reason to love that person.  To have a child with them just to have a piece of them that you helped create.  He had always had lingering doubts as to why things happened and turned out the way they did.  I don’t think that I fully realized why he and Tracy made the decision to divorce until I heard that.  They both wanted children, just not with each other.  It wasn’t until years later that Tracy told him she wanted to give him a son but only for the sheer gift factor of a child, not out of the love she felt.

Chapter 2

After the divorce, he moved to Delaware to concentrate on the job he had.  It was a pretty good job as a customer service manager with an office equipment company.  The company was owned by one person, his name was Frank M.  He had a good relationship with Frank and when the business was ready to expand into New Jersey, Frank promised him that if he could orchestrate a smooth transition with the company he just purchased, the New Jersey office would be his to run and Frank would also give him an opportunity to buy into the business.

While living in Delaware, he met a woman named Carol.  He had went on a few dates after the divorce but had not met anyone he felt was worthy of a commitment.  Carol was different.  She was unlike the local college girls that he had been socializing with as she was a “local” local college girl (meaning she was from southeast Pennsylvania).  She had looks, charm, smarts and a great attitude to boot.  The night he met her, he was at his favorite hangout and she walked in.  From the moment he saw her, he was done looking.  She was going to be his objective that night and with the proper approach and a little bit of luck, perhaps the next morning as well.  As luck would have it, one of his buddies showed up that night and had known who she was (takes away the pressure of an opening line and having to pick someone up in a bar!).

Everything was going very well for our hero.  He had a good job with a promising future with the possibility of one day being his own boss.  He had a great girl that challenged him without making him feel less than what he was.  He had a good friend (his name was Mike) he could trust.  What more could anyone ask for?  The only question that remained was who was he?  No, now is not the time.  Everything is going so well, there is no need to go down that path.

Chapter 3

Time is the greatest gift we have to give.  The challenge we all run into is giving that gift equally to everyone and everything that deserve it.  He had found a balance between work and play that he was happy with.  It appeared that everyone in his life was also happy with the time that he gave them and he was getting the rewards in return that he had always thought he wanted.  The relationship with Carol has progressed so much that after a few months, he felt love for her.  He felt, against the observation of others, that she was giving him that feeling in return.  They had even planned to move in together. 

He had put in an enormous effort into his work and the transition of the New Jersey office was almost complete.  He had, in a short time, returned the greatest profit margin either office had even seen.  Only a few weeks were left before a formal transition could be made.  He had placed himself in a position that would make this a very easy decision.  Then the day comes.  He is called into Frank’s office under the impression that he is going to be told that the next day he is going to be permanently in the New Jersey office and what the final numbers were to be to buy into the business.  Then he is told there has been a change in plans.  Frank’s sister is to take over the New Jersey office.  There will be no ownership opportunity.  He is offered a raise and a bonus for his effort but these things mean nothing to him at that moment.  He walks back to his office, takes about 30 minutes to make his decision, returns to Frank’s office, and quits.  He gives no thought was this means for his future.  He gives no thought to what this means to everyone around him.  His ego had been hurt, he had been disrespected and he did the only thing he thought he could do to strike back.

Over the next several weeks, he spent most of his time with Carol and as it is still unclear to him, she began to pull away.  They had been dating for about 8 months and were getting ready to move in together so he didn’t think he was smothering her and he never felt he was a high maintenance kind of guy but for some reason, the relationship was going bad.  He could never tell me what had happened, what had gone wrong.  Did she meet someone new, did she get bored with him, or did the relationship just run the course it was meant to and it was time to move on?  Even today, he is not sure. 

The things he learned during these years in his life can not be measured.  The experience and knowledge he gained was more than he had acquired in his entire life before this point.  He had become an adult.  But what did that mean?

The story continues...

As you can see, I have a new header pic.  Sorry girls, Brett is gone.  I couldn’t find a suitable sailboat so I figured I’d put my car up there.  It is not my exact car, but the same model and color.  I also put up a new profile pic but I may change it soon as I have shaven my head bald so I’m not being truthful with my appearance :)

I had an interesting interview yesterday.  The company is one of those new/old things in that they just merged with a competitor and are now number one in their marketplace.  One of the challenges to that is they are on two different platforms (mainframe vs. SQL server) so they have to integrate the two systems.  That’s where I come in.  Along with being an employee benefits expert (betcha didn’t know that about me, did ya ;) ), I’ve also done 4 of these types of integrations.  I was referred by a friend and spoke with the VP for about an hour yesterday.  It is a contract position so it should only last about 6 months but the guy was talking about the end of 2007 which to me is a long freakin contract!!  He said he had a few more interviews but told me he was impressed and that I was “in the running”.  We’ll see.

I’ve decided to leave you with a thought today…

I’ve been on Mindsay for a couple of months now.  I’ve never been much of an online person but I’ve had some free time on my hands and this has been a welcome addition to my routine.  I am honestly still amazed that anyone reads this crap I spew from my fingers.  I have established a network of people that I enjoy reading and have yet to run into someone that just turns me off to the whole experience.

I guess what I’m trying to say (in a very round about way!) is… Thanks.

I crashed the party! :D  Actually, I didn't... one of my boys called me and said she wasn't coming so I went and had a blast!  I'm back now, still a little buzzed but feeling pretty good about the whole thing.  She backed out a hour before the party and I came over as soon as I was called.... who's the better person now?!?!  HA!  I win.

Ok, I know that's childish but still.... give me some rope here, I was pissy earlier ;)

That’s it.  I knew there was a reason I didn’t watch television.  I am sick and tired of watching this mediocre shit that they feed us day and night.  But we all know me, I’m not one to just sit and complain, I feel I can do something about it so I have decided to begin my own talk show right here on Mindsay.  I’m going to call it, “Peach Hour”.  It will be hosted by me (Rocky for all those that didn’t know) and as I am quickly throwing this idea together, I have yet to schedule any guests so for the time being you will have to listen to me rant about whatever I want ala Dennis Miller.  There will be no subject that is off limits.  We will talk about sex, drugs, and music… religion, politics, the weather (currently 91 with a heat index of 100 in the beautiful coastal city of Jacksonville, Florida), whatever the topic of the day is. 

I’m sure this is not an original idea but like any other American industry, I hope to take the idea and make it better.  So sit back and relax, you are reading the first installment of the last show you’ll ever read :)

~ Intro music… Peaches -- Presidents of the USA ~

Good afternoon boys and girls, thanks for coming to the show.  I have a great show lined up for you today, we have Me who is an interesting young man with an unique perspective on the world, also on the show today we have Myself and he will give us the sports action updates we all desire and last but not least, we have I, the musical entertainment.  As always, my sidekick Whocares will be with me throughout the show providing… well, ummm… we’re still not sure what he provides but the chicks dig him so we keep him around.  Later in the show we will also hear from our senior reporter, Greenie.  So let’s bring our first guest out, please help me welcome… Me.

Rocky:  Welcome Me, we are proud to have you as our first guest here on the Peach Hour.  Tell me, what have you been up to these days?

Me:  Well Rocky, first off, let me thank you for having me.  I really appreciate you letting me come out from under the bed and speak to the world.  I hope this isn’t the last time this happens but if it is, I would still like to show you my gratitude.

          As for what I’ve been up to lately, I’ve been basically underneath your bed developing allergies to the dust and eating the bugs that seem to crawl in through some secret hole in the house.

Rocky:  You know, I have noticed I have seen less and less of them lately, I though that may just be the pesticide.  You’ve been taking care of that for me?

Me:  Yes.  I remember how freaked you got when that frog jumped on your laptop so I thought the best thing I could do for you would be to stop that trend.

Rocky:  I really do appreciate that, the frog really messed with my head.  Ok, go back under the bed now.

Ok, and for some musical entertainment, here is… I.  *plays Sweet Home Alabama by Skynard*

Outstanding, great choice I.  What do you think, Whocares, great music, huh?

Whocares:  Yeah.

Uh, yeah… way to answer that question man.  It’s a good thing he’s cute or I’d fire his ass.

Alright, our next guest is a sports expert.  I’ve talked with him several times and there is not a sport he can not talk intellengently about so I have some questions prepared for him but if there is anything you’d like to discuss, just make sure to drop us a line and Whocares will make sure I get it (I hope).  Please help we welcome,… Myself.

Rocky:  Let’s get right to it Myself, give me your take on the Terrell Owens situation.

Myself:  I’m going to refer to Brett Favre here and the way he handled Jevon Walker, you have a contract, come to camp and play ball.  T.O. is one of the top 3 recievers in the league but he is the biggest Ahole in the league.  He is a selfish, pampered elite athelete that just need to be bent over his mothers knee.

Rocky:  That’s a pretty aggressive stance.  Are you worried about any repercussions?

Myself:  Nope, I’m your alter-ego *not that Rocky needs any more ego* so, technically, I don’t exist.  If there is going to be any retaliation, it will be against you.

Rocky:  *Laughs then raises eyebrows in concern* T.O. is a big dude, I don’t want him pissed at me, let’s switch gears and talk about hockey.

Myself:  Hockey?  Who won the Stanley Cup last year?  Oh, that’s right, they didn’t play.  Did anyone actually miss it?  Couldn’t we just watch the year before last season and get the same enjoyment out of it?  How about a highlight film of all the goals scored in the last season they played.  It should last all of 15 minutes.

Rocky:  Wow, who pissed in your wheaties this morning?

Myself:  You did!  We didn’t eat breakfast until noon because you had “errands”!

Rocky:  Oh yeah, sorry about that.  How about NASCAR?

Myself:  How about NASCAR?  How about my man Tony Stewart?  He and his crew are locked on!

Rocky:  I agree.  I just hope he doesn’t run away with the championship, it makes it a little more interesting the last few races when its close.  Well, thanks for stopping by and good luck with that alter-ego thing.

And now for a report on how stupid comments can destroy an otherwise sensible belief system, we have a special report from our senior common sense correspondent Greenie…

Greenie:  This is Greenie Tea, reporting live from outside the Robertson Camp just hours after he released an on air statement, calling for the assignation of Venezuelan President Chavez.

          Mr. Robertson, can you explain how this reflects the Bible’s 10 Commandments, in particular, “Thou shall not kill”?

Greenie:  There you have it Senor Peach!  Straight from the horse’s ass!

Rocky:  Thanks Greenie, outstanding investigative reporting, as usual.

As a closing thought, I would like to leave you with this… Why is there two hawks in my backyard?  First one appeared and then the other, do they travel in pairs?

Well folks, that’s going to bring us to the end of the first Peach Hour.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did and for being our first audience, on your way out just hand security your parking pass and we’ll validate for you, no charge!  Stay tuned for the next episode as we have a very exciting guest lined up that I’m sure you will enjoy.  Want to know who it is?  Stay tuned to find out! :)

I'm hungry, somebody come fix me lunch.

The same deal as the laundry applies for females, $10 and the best kiss you've ever had.

We all remember my roommate Wayne, right?  Well, he left Tuesday night headed for the Keys for a week of fishing, drinking and whatever other trouble he could get into.  Guess who is now 150 miles away from the center of a cat 1 hurricane?  Yup!  And he's camping at that!  I was going to have all my Mindsay friends over this weekend for a party cause the house is mine but he may be making an early return!

I normally don't do this kind of stuff, but do me a favor and keep him in your thoughts and/or prayers (whichever you do).  He should be ok, he should only get the outskirts of a cat 1 which is not too much more than a bad thunderstorm but he's a stubborn moron and won't go to a hotel so he gets a prayer whether he likes it or not!  Geez, the guy really just can't catch a break!

I like to share interesting stories with you guys because, well, my roommate is out of town now and I don’t feel like calling anyone so… by default, you win!  Don’t you feel special now? :)

Don’t you just love it when you feel like you’re missing someone (an ex girlfriend/boyfriend) and so you call/e-mail/im/go see/write a letter to them, etc. just to check in and see how life is going and as soon as they say one word, you realize why they are an ex?  That happened to me today.

Last night I had a dream about a girl I dated (her name was Hope) a few months after the divorce.  We dated for about 4 months and she was the first ‘relationship’ I had since the divorce.  She wasn’t really my ‘type’ but she was very sweet and very into me so I like to think she was exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it (sometimes He is cool like that!).  Anyway, she wanted more, I had nothing to give so we broke up.  Said I broke her heart, she never loved anyone like the way she loved me, etc. the whole nine yard guilt trip, right?  (She was also divorced w/2 kids… she didn’t love her husband as much as she loved me?... uh huh)  So we don’t talk for about 6 months and she pops into my head (this is March) so I give her a ring to see how she is doing.  Well, she is married!  WTF?  That didn’t take long, did it?  So the phone call in March is followed by a couple of e-mails and IM’s where she proceeds to tell me how sad she is and how sorry she married this guy and how much she misses me.  After listening to her pity party for a few weeks, I’m reminded of why she is an ex and we drift apart.  A few weeks later she calls to tell me she got an annulment.  I thought to myself… Hmm, ok, she was serious, she made a mistake.  I’m not going back to her but she, and what we had, has a little more respect in my eyes.  Back to the present day… I shoot her an e-mail this morning to, again, just check on her and see how she’s doing (I have a bad habit of keeping up with anyone I’ve had a relationship with… don’t know why?).  She IM’s me today and we chat for a while and, very quickly, I’m reminded again of why she is an ex.  As we are wrapping up she tells me she is engaged.  She got engaged to a fella she met in January (yes, while she was married) and he asked her to marry him in June.  You do the math!

Sometimes the kid actually knows what he’s doing!  Other times… well, that’s a different post for a different day :)

See, when I was coming up, it was all BASIC, PASCAL, and COBOL was the big thing.  I never got into all this graphics crap.  We wrote stupid little programs like good little geeks should and I was just so thrilled that I almost peed my pants when my COBOL accounting program worked. 

I say all this because if you will look up ^ I have made my first attempt at modifing a picture to meet my needs.  It had some stupid saying about the boat in the upper right hand corner so I simply typed over it! :)  It's taken me quite a while to find a suitable sailboat picture and quite frankly, this is the closest I've come.  It's a little 32 footer that could sleep 6 if necessary but its better suited for 4 (or maybe even a 3some ;) ).  I'm personally looking for a 50 footer so if you see any suitable for my header, let me know!

Anyway, it's Friday night, I've got to find something/someone to do!  Cheers!

(in my best samuri warrior accent)

Thanks to my girl andthen , I now have a suitable boat to put on my header!  I'll be searching for the perfect one now that I know you can make images bigger (thanks for telling me that gang!!!) and will have her hook me up again over the weekend.  Just in time for a new episode of The Peach Hour on Monday!

P.S.  If you like France, don't read my blog over the weekend.  I'm gonna tear the entire country a new a$$hole for them dissing my man Lance A.

Yeah, I'm pretty much typical when it comes to reading directions.  I mean, what's the use, it's only going to slow me down.  Except when it comes to cooking but that's an entirely different story because I can't cook to save my life.

Anyway, after some trial and error, not only did I find my boat (I saw it a few weeks ago and didn't save the damn site... what a moron!) and was able to stretch the image and add my little tag thingie.  Not even close to as well as some of you could have done (yes, this image will be going to andthen and callmeroger for professional enhancement!) but I do have a sense of pride knowing that I can do graphics works that they are now probably teaching in elementary school.

The boat itself is a 51ft. sloop with a main mast over 60ft.  It is an Ocean Star made by Ocean Yachts and sleeps 6 with 3 separate heads and has a 15ft. beam.  Not terribly wide but then again, that's not what it's made for.  A sloop is designed to maximize a head wind (sailing into the wind instead of with the wind) so though it can be very comfortable, it is not designed for full time living.  I have seriously considered, several times in fact, of just purchasing my retirement plan now and living on it full time.  It's just me and that is plenty of room for one person.  I live less than 4 hours, by boat, from the Bahamas and have only been 4 times.  There is no reason I shouldn't be going more and there won't be with a boat like this.

In stark contrast to yesterday’s post, I felt it necessary to return you to your regularly scheduled programming of the “glass is half full” attitude of which I normally project.  It is healthy every now and then to release built up frustrations but I guess my question is, how fast do those things manifest within you?

I like to look at March 17, 2004 as the day I began to realize what I needed to be.  Call it fate, call it religion, call it desperation, I call it a rebirth.  An epiphany if you will.  I was saved and reborn in Christ’s image June 6, 1990 but it wasn’t until 14 years later that I realized exactly what that meant.  It took Him that long not only to climb but break down the wall I had up around me.  It took that long partially because even I didn’t know the heights my wall reached.  Every time I thought I had it figured out, every time I thought I saw the light, it was simply Him showing me a glimpse of how things could be if I just surrendered.  Finally, I supposed he just got fed up with me and like any good parent does, decided to correct me.  I went from the top of the world to the bottom in a matter of hours.  However, once there, I had two choices and the reason you’re reading this today is because I made the correct choice and finally asked Him for help.

I’ve told you this (and for those reading the Journey story, you will read something similar again in a future entry) to set up the following… there are better things to worry about.

When you feel yourself getting angry, frustrated, or simply tired of struggling in your everyday life, just remember you have better things to worry about.  Keep saying it to yourself because, honestly, you do have better things to worry about.  I know I’ll get teenagers saying that isn’t true and their problems at 15 are the worst they will ever face.  I know I’ll get 20-somthings that will tell me while it was true for them as teenagers, the problems they face today are the worst they will ever face.  I know there will be people my own age telling me I have no idea what I’m talking about and how can I approach life with such negligence.  I may even have some bi-polar folks tell me how right I am and then disagree with me until the cows come home.  However you choose to take it, remember this… I don’t care where you are, who you are or what you’re going through, it can, does and will get worse.  There is no other way of saying it, the tests get more difficult as we go along.

Live for today.  It doesn’t come back.  Even the time you have spent with me today, reading this post, you will not get back (sorry to all those who didn’t get anything from it!).  I appreciate the time you’ve spent with me, appreciate the time you spend with others.  Give more hugs, ask more questions, look people in the eye when you speak to them.  No matter what you believe, we were not meant to be alone.  Enjoy the human connections while you have them.

Some see it as procrastination, others see it as avoidance and yet others see it as simple ignorance.  I see it as, well,… I have better things to worry about.

I don't know why I never noticed before but Kelly has got an a$$ on her!!!  I would f*ck her until she passed out!  Good golly miss Molly!!!!

Sorry guys, it's been a while ;)

~ Intro music… Peaches by Presidents of the USA ~

Hey there and welcome back!  We have a wonderful show in store for you today.  The young man we have today has many talents, among them are guitar playing, motocross, writing and just an overall positive outlook on life and love. I’m really excited to bring him out and talk to him today but before I do, I’d like to take a moment to talk about a serious subject.  Teen sex.  I heard a stat last week that suggests that teen sex is on the decline.  I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite (though I know I am going to), I lost my virginity at a very early age, however, I’m very excited to hear this stat as I sincerely do believe it will do nothing but help future generations by having older and more experienced parents instead of children having children.  I understand you can’t tell young people anything, they know what’s best for them and I’m not trying to take that away from anyone.  But if you’re not smart enough to learn from someone else then you’re not as smart as you think you are.  Nobody has ever walked in your shoes, there is no denying that, but if you take a minute and step outside of the self absorbed path you are walking, you will see there are folks out there that only want the best for you and do not want you to make the same mistakes they have.  If you haven’t done it, great, keep up the good work, I’m proud of you!  If you’ve already done it, that’s ok too but you understand the emotions involved.  If you do it again, I have one word… C O N D O M S!!!  Guys, there are things out there that will make your stuff itch, turn colors, and practically fall off (or at least you will wish it would!) and girls, it’s going in your body!  Why would you let anything “unclean” inside you?  Think about it for a minute now before the passion takes over.  Honestly, I think it is very sexy for her to put one on me.  If done right, it can be very intimate and not even come close to destroying the mood or breaking the rhythm.  I know it feels better without one, I’ve had sex once or twice before, but save that feeling for the husband/wife, you’ll each appreciate it more.  I know I’ve gotten on a little bit of a rant here but if one person has heard me, it was worth the effort.

With all that out of the way and off my chest, I now would like to introduce you to my friend from the great state of Wisconsin, makers of cheese, home of the Green Bay Packers, the king man himself… wierdkid!

Rocky:  My man Gus, what’s up brother!  I know you as Gus, tell the folks at home what you’re real first name is.

Wierdkid:  Its really Matthew Robert Lee, but I’ve been Gus for so long that its really just who I am.

Rocky:  Hmmm, two middle names… That reminds me, have you ever noticed that crazed killers are always referred to by their full name?  Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wilkes Booth, James Earl Ray… odd, huh?

          Speaking of crazed lunatics… that and the fact I hate guitar players due to a personal tragedy I don’t want to speak of (and pilots, I really hate pilots!!!), how’s the guitar playing coming along?  When did you start?  Was it hard to learn?

Wierdkid:  I’m doing great with it, I started Christmas afternoon cuz my guitar was my Christmas present. It was pretty easy to learn. Just search for guitar lessons online and you’ll be playing stuff in no time.

Rocky:  Yeah well, if you ever see me with a guitar in my hand it will only be to smash it over some punks head.  Whew, a little angry resentment built up there wouldn’t you say I?  *I nods back at Rocky with an evil glare and plays a chord from Enter Sandman by Metallica*.

          Ahhh, a little Metallica is always a good thing.  While we are on the topic of good things, tell me about the best day you’ve ever had.

Wierdkid:  The best day ever, well, I’d love to tell you but I don’t think the girl involved would appreciate me telling you about what she did. But it was my 15th birthday, I was at her house for the weekend, I had my hands tied together over my head, she grabbed my pants and …….. I’ll just let that thought trail off and leave the rest to your imagination, but I’m still a virgin.

Rocky:  Wow, sounds like a pretty good day to me!  Plus it was your birthday so I’m sure other cool things happened!  Still a virgin, huh?  That’s pretty cool, tell us why that is.

Wierdkid:  I’m a virgin by choice. When things first started getting serious between me and the girl from the last question I had to decide how I would handle the sex issue, I decided that I only ever wanted to have one partner and that I wasn’t going to make that partner someone who I didn’t know how long I’d be with her. I have rethought my view on this a few weeks ago but nothing ever came of it and I’m happy I didn’t. I’m still waiting for her.

Rocky:  Ahhh, amore… trust me brother, we’re all waiting for her… we all are just… waiting.  So, considering that you’re a still virgin, what type of experiences have you had?  How do you obtain physical closeness and pleasure without sex?

Wierdkid:  A girl went down on me once, I’ve done some bondage stuff, a lil bit of scratching. A lot of biting.  Not as many people do that kinda stuff as should its quite invigorating. The feeling of the blood rushing to where a girl just sunk her teeth into your shoulder is amazing.

Rocky:  I don’t know about all that but I do agree a little nibble now and again can be a good thing!  While we are still on the subject, describe for us the pros and cons of teen relationships.

Wierdkid:  I think the pros are its fun.  It is probably pretty important to have teen relationships because it helps you to mature faster so when you get older that you could be ready for a real relationship. The cons are that you get hurt a lot, emotional attachment will often cause bad decision making, too much emphasis goes to the physical aspects in most cases.

Rocky:  That’s a pretty good take on it.  You mentioned the physical aspects of a relationship, describe a feature you find sexiest on a human being.

Wierdkid:  The sexiest feature, most definitely her legs, girls with legs that aren’t smooth and soft are such a turn off. On guys I really like to see great abs. But that’s only cause I’m jealous.

Rocky:  Hmmm.  That brings up an interesting point.  From what I understand, you’re pretty religious, what are your thoughts on homosexuality?  Do you believe what the Bible says that basically they are gonna split hell wide open? *looks at him with the hard investigative reporter look*

Wierdkid:  HAHA. That doesn’t look good on you Rocky.  I have basically no knowledge of homosexuality, I know a lot of bisexuals but no homos. I think that people have a right to express there sexuality in anyway that they want as long as it isn’t offensive in public. If its ok for a guy and girl to do it then its ok for 2 guys or 2 girls to do it. I believe that the Bible takes a rather harsh stance on it but I’m not as religious as you think I am. I believe it but I don’t follow it.

Rocky:  Yeah, I’m working on that look.  I need to watch some more tapes of Brokaw or something. 

          Let me ask you this then, how can you believe in the Bible but not follow it?  Isn’t that just asking to go to hell? *looks at him with quizzical stare*

Wierdkid:  I can believe being gay is wrong and not act on those feelings.  I can believe that blacks are an inferior race (I don’t believe that, I'm not racist) and not act on those feelings. I believe the same applies to the Bible.  I think it’s true, but I choose not to follow the guidelines it sets for living.   Really, I haven't actually asked God’s forgiveness for anything in a long time and the way my life is now I know I'm going to hell.

Rocky:  Wow, you’re a braver man than I am!  Going to hell scares the shit of me!

          Since we have established that you are braver than I am, I read somewhere that you have thought about and have participated in this ‘cutting’ craze that seems to infest today’s teenagers and young adults.  What would you like people to know about cutting?

Wierdkid:  Cutting isn’t ever the answer, however I know that teens can get very emotional about thing really easily, and when my emotions are flamed I’m not in any position to make a good decision and so its not always easy to say just don’t do it. I’ve been clean now since my birthday. Thanks Kali.

Rocky:  Nothing wrong with a little shout out to the folks that help us along the way.  I know I’d be lost around here without amandarose42! 

Speaking of those that help us, how about a little music?  I, take it away!  *plays No One Like You by Scorpions*

Great tunes as usual I… you’d be my horse even if you never ran a race.  Even if you are a guitar player. *Gives I the wink-and-point which is gracefully returned*

Rocky:  Gus, let’s wrap up with some lighter stuff, wadda ya think?

Wierdkid?  Aight.

Rocky:  What do you think of peaches?

Wierdkid:  Of course you would ask that. I had one for breakfast, and mommy has peach jam in the basement, mmmm.

Rocky:  Of course I would!  This is the Peach Hour and I’m the peach lover, why wouldn’t I ask that?!?!

          I understand that you are home schooled, do you feel you are learning more now or in a structure learning environment?

Wierdkid:  I love being home schooled, not only does it allow me to learn at my own pace, it also lets me take a much wider variety of classes. In public school the most specific English class available was British Literature, I’m taking King Arthur and the Middle Ages. Much, much, more specific.

Rocky:  Sounds cool.  I can imagine that leaves more time for fishing, right?

Wierdkid:  I’ve only ever fished with my uncle, it’s our way of spending time together, that’s my favorite part.

Rocky:  Nothing wrong with that!  How about the job?  I hear you have a neat job that allows you some creativity, correct?

Wierdkid:  I love my job, I’m a photographer in the dells, lots of legs, mmmm legs. It pays really well.

Rocky:  Pays well, huh?  And you get to stare at chicks legs all day?  Sounds like my kind of job!  So, you’re 15, home schooled, good job… you sound like a catch!  What are you going to do with all that money?  Not blow it on some girl I hope!

Wierdkid:  I’ll take all the money from working and I’m gonna buy a motocross bike. Probably a Yamaha 125.

Rocky:  Now that sounds like a fabulous idea!  Gus, thanks for stopping by today.  As always, it was a pleasure talking to you.  Make sure you say hi to mommy and the crew for me.

That does it for our show today folks.  I appreciate you coming by and sharing some time with us.  As always, thanks to the cast and crew for all your hard work.

I preached a little today at the top of the show but I’ll leave you with this thought…  anybody that has ever said, “it’s too late”, has never made a regrettable mistake.  Take care of each other! :)

This may be common sense to most of you but just in case it hasn't crossed your mind, fill you vehicles up tonight!  Crude oil went over $70 a barrell today (which is just stupid astronomically high!) and due to the hurricane, production has been shut down in the Gulf... for a while! 

I just got through talking to somebody that should know and she said gas prices are going to spike tonight.  Some areas could even see a .30 cent  per gallon raise.  This is an extreme of course, but I really wouldn't be surprised to see .07 - .09 cent per gallon raises at your local gas station tomorrow.

As always, I could be wrong... but just to be on the safe side, get out of your chair tonight and save yourself $5.

What a line, huh?  I mean really, who wouldn’t fall for that?  The problem is, when you deliver something like this, its best said from your death bed where you can’t really reap the rewards of saying something like this that, by itself, undoes pants buttons.

I really have nothing insightful to say, the line struck me and I felt it was worthy of posting.

Like a lot of us here, I don't sleep very well.  That gives me plenty of time to read and I do read, more blogs than I care to admit to.  I've come across quite a few that have mentioned the damage caused by hurricane Katrina and wished they could help if they had the money and/or time.  Let me be the last one to tell you this... YOU CAN HELP!

You don't have to go to New Orleans (though my roommate and I are seriously considering going this weekend, I've got a buddy who's packing up now and is in the construction business) and you don't have to give $50 to a relief fund.  It doesn't have to be special, send $1, send a shirt, buy an extra bottle of water at the store and drop it off to your local American Red Cross (they should have donation places set up, if they don't, tell me and I will find you a place to donate).  These folks (not just New Orleans but the entire gulf coast of Mississippi) lost everything.  You think they are going to be picky about what they get?

Listen, I know most people have a big heart, send what you can.  If you're having trouble or just can't find any information about donations, leave me a note, send me an e-mail (pecheluver at yahoo.com) or go to this web site... http://www.redcross.org/

~ Intro music… Peaches by Presidents of the USA ~

Good evening and welcome to another episode of the Peach Hour!  As you can see, we are broadcasting in the evening for this episode and if you had the program schedule, you would have known that.  I’m telling you, for all the content, 4.99 is a bargain!  If you didn’t order yours this week, have no fear as we will be publishing one for next week soon.

I’m excited about tonight’s show but before we get into that and I bring out our guest, I’d like to take a moment to recognize all of our brothers and sisters on the Gulf coast and send my most sincere best wishes to everyone affected by the hurricane.  A special shout out goes to all of the men and women of the police, fire, Coast Guard, Army Corps of Engineers, American Red Cross, FEMA, the Salvation Army and everyone else providing the much need support that region so desperately needs.  For those that need it, you can call 1-800-HELP-NOW or visit www.arc.org to find out the many ways you can help.

I think the best thing I can do is bring out my next guest and give us a few minutes to escape reality.  I think escaping reality is a great lead in for our guest.  She has some unique concepts and ideals and to her credit, she is ready and willing to debate them with just about anyone.  Believe her or don’t believe her, the convictions are strong and she stands by them.  With that being said, please welcome the original bad ass wolfie, vengefulwolf!

Rocky:  Wolfie, it’s a pleasure to have you on the show.  As you may have noticed, I like to ask the most obvious question first, tell us what your real first name is.

Wolfie:  Eh, I really hate names. That’s why I use my nickname, Wolfie. My birth parents named me Kristyna, and even though everyone tells me it’s beautiful I’m thinking, “But it’s so popular and everyone who has ever called by my real name usually doesn’t like me.” I know, I’m odd. >.<

Rocky:  Well, I also think its pretty and yes, I do agree you’re odd but I don’t think it has anything to do with your name!  Let’s get into some of the things that others may think a little odd and we’ll go from there.

          When you sleep at night, what do you think about right before you fall asleep?

Wolfie:  Uhm… Hmmm… Well… It involves bananas, strawberries, and pie. ^_^ Or something else that involves strange creatures that attack me in my sleep.   Shadows, doppelgangers and the like, but that only happens just when I’m drifting off, and then I have nightmares that are from dreams that turn into living nightmares.

Rocky:  Now see, I could have followed you with the whole bananas, strawberries and pie, reminds me of a dream I had once that involved me, Jessica Simpson, and… well, none of that stuff.  I just dream about Jessica Simpson so much that breathing reminds me of her.  I just think she is totally hot, right Whocares?

Whocares:  Yup.

Rocky:  There he is folks, all over it like hair on a German chicks arm pits as usual.

          Where I lose you, like I normally do, is the whole shadow/living nightmare thing.  I supposed we can get into that a little later.

Talk to me about making your own short films.  What kinds of ideas do you have?  What do you have to do to get started in that?  What do I have to do to be in one?

Wolfie:  Oh! The ideas! I have so many, some in short story form, one already in skit form (meant to be re-written) and so many more in poems! The majority is the old type horror movies re-created, but new ones, my own little hellish world! It’ll be a first, probably disturbing look into my mind. I even have a few comedies which I might mix in with the horror genre. I just need a camera, a DVD recorder that takes pictures. I’ve asked for one for my birthday, but the price is pretty high.

It would take so much to get started apart from that; willing actors and plenty of props. My skit involves a car that speeds off really fast. To be in one you’d uhm… have to live closer, hahaha. *ahem*

My other ides are where you wouldn’t have to be so close is my own documentaries. These will all be independent films of course, or mostly likely, at first, but I just want to record interesting things; events, weather, anything that’s out of the ordinary. It would be so much fun, especially doing a take on Day of the Dead! All those candles on the graves, it’s just romantic!

Rocky:  Romantic, huh?  That brings up a question that is becoming a norm here on the Peach Hour, describe a feature you find sexiest on a person.  Make sure it’s a human being!!!

Wolfie:  The way their eyes can look deep into you, almost like an animal who knows what you’re thinking. The subtle-ness of the mind as it plays tricks on the body… I find nude paintings beautiful, because I’m wicked like that. I like long hair on men… beautiful black long hair… Hair is kinda sexy… I knew this really hairy guy… Well, I guess I still know him, but he won’t let me touch him anymore. >.< I make him uncomfortable. Long story, but he basically likes this girl now and he never really liked me in the first place. *whimpers*

Rocky:  Ah, see now, you were trying to head down that animal path!

          I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you.  We discussed this type of situation a few times backstage, tell the folks at home so they know, just what are you waiting for?

Wolfie:  For what seems to me a hopeless romance; I’ve always dreamt of this man since memory… His eyes look at me like a wolf’s would… he protected me from evil spirits many a time that attacked me in sleep and while awake. He was just a spirit himself though, so that’s my whole problem… Other than the fact that when I look in the mirror I see him as me… So maybe he is me… and you only really can save yourself from yourself… Uhm… yes… I’ll start talking really odd if I don’t stop now.

Rocky:  What?  You, talking odd… nah!  That seems to bring you down a little, let’s pep you up.  Tell me about the best day you’ve ever had.

Wolfie:  I… Hmmm… When Loba was brought into my life… but then she had to be taken away from me. She was my first German Shepherd, bonded to her brother (but we couldn’t afford or had room for both) and abused by the man we bought her from. She was malnourished, burned on the nose, and smelled as if she had lived in her own fecal matter. It was really sad, but we bonded so fast, and then she got very protective of me and would not let anyone else near me or near her territory in the backyard.

          We were lucky to find her a home where I was surprised a young man (I never thought she’d like another male) took her down to his farm where another male dog awaited her company. I haven’t contacted them since they left a week before Christmas… But then Demonah, my new pup came into my life. She’s obnoxious, but she’ll be wonderful in her own perky way once she’s full grown. Bigger than Loba was maybe! At least 6o lbs!

Rocky:  That’s gonna be a big girl!!!  Ok, before we get into the second part of the interview, I feel I have to not only set the mood but tell our audience of the borderline nature of the discussion.  First, let’s set the mood… I, hit it!!!  *plays Thriller by Michael Jackson*  Hahaha, you crack me up I, you are a riot!

Ok, so now for the audience warning.  I rate this as ‘R’ subject material as a lot of it is borderline.  We will talk about vampires, blood, and reincarnation and so on.  If you’re not into that or offended by it, you can head out the back door now and security will validate your parking pass.  For those of you that have decided to stay, let’s get right into it!

Rocky:  Ok, wolfie, what the hell is a twoof?

Wolfie:  “Twoof” is another term for “vamping-out”.

Okay, okay, I’ll explain this one, but most of you out there are just going to a) roll your eyes b) want to direct me to nearest mental hospital c) try to get me to repent.

I’m already “out of the coffin” as the so silly term is. Anyway, Metaphysics and Spirituality is involved here! And dare I be blunt? ‘Real Vampyres’ do exist! They’re like everyone else, but they just have what society would call an awkward or abnormal need.

They of course don’t fly, shape-shift physically, burn to ash in the sun –though some are quite sensitive to it and the bright light, noises, and smells – and they aren’t allergic to garlic, or can be warded off with crosses. Crosses are pretty *pets a cross*… I’ll get bashed for that, I know.

Now, as I was saying: They simply do need the life-force of other human beings, like in the legends. I believe myself that the idea of being bitten on the neck was taken from real vampyres, as an easy area to gain psychic energy by touch from is the neck and through a kiss. Hahah, it IS romantic really! Biting, nibbling, licking, oh yes. *giggles*

Now! There are many different psychic means of taking energy, through surface feeding, energy-links, and well, by sexual means: Though it is argued that sexual vampires are considered a type of “otherkin”, which refers to creatures other-wordly. That’s an awful debate among the vampyre community if you ask me.

Surface feeding is done by near contact, in which you are very close to a vampyre – other such like feeding can be done through an energy-link in which a vampyre will connect his energy (soul) to part of yours in order to drain you of some your life force.

I’ll let you know that we should and do only feed from those with more energy than us, and those people recover within 24 hours after being fed from psychically. The effects of such a drain can either be headaches, sudden tiredness, or sometimes being suddenly hyper. 

The other types of short-term feeding can be from elements, like storms. But that is another huge debate in the community.

The different types of psychic feeding varies among each vampyre, and every vampyre seems to have their own definition of just what we are, or why we are. Some of the ideas are quite stupid in my opinion, but the one I prefer is that we are like this because of a leak in our astral layer, and we can not keep the energy we need. I personally believe in Reincarnation, and because of the way I died in my last life, I was reborn to be a vampyre in this one, but that’s a totally different subject!

We feed because we need to; it shouldn’t be a want, because if one craved blood for a fetish, they aren’t a real vampyre. There is a huge difference between a fetishist, and a (blood) Sanguine Vampyre, but I’ll get to the blood vamps part in a minute.

If we do not feed we become spiritually, mentally, and physically ill; this is where the twoofing comes in. It’s very painful. Causes insomnia, muscle pains follow, breathing can be hard(er), emotional breakdowns, you could either run into a very grumpy or just plain out silly twoofed up creature. We call twoofing, what comes “out” of it, The Beast. It’s like a creature clawing inside, needing the blood. 

The Sang Vamps that feed from blood have their donors tested. The most common means of feeding is needles I believe, and the blood must be fresh. The reason for this is because of the energy in the blood; it is believed that the blood is directly connected to soul and feeding from blood is more “filling” than just psychic feeding for many vampyres. The other way to do it, and sometimes looked down upon in the community, is a willing person who will cut themselves. The most looked down upon of all, because of infection is biting. We don’t really have sharp teeth, but we can get prosthetics. *giggles at the thought* I always thought this wrong, to dress up like the legends, but I found out one of the main guys in the community has a whole shop for it… I reconsidered… still not sure I’d dress up though. Though it would be hilarious to scare people. Mehehehe!

*ahem* Anyway: The donors are, The Willing, Crimson Swans. Crystal Swans, the knowing, are the psychic/energy donors. I say knowing because any vampyre can be with you in a crowd draining your energy, talking to you in conversation. Some may not even be fully awakened yet to their latent abilities. And here is something else, vampyres are born the way they are, they can’t be made.

A vampyre goes through an Awakening, and this is a time in which they must learn what they are, the hard way usually, which really means they don’t believe in “vampires” and can’t accept themselves.

The spelling V – A – M – P – Y – R – E was adopted to differentiate the mythical from the realistic. So, the real vampyres seem to prefer the y instead of the i.

I myself am a Sanguine/Succubus. I’ve known through some odd way since birth, but not really understood until I began to Awaken to myself around the age of 15. A Succubus is a female sexual vampyre; in legend they were dream demons that would attack males in their sleep.

Hmm, if you’d like to know anymore I suggest this site, it’s full of info. and it’s also the place where I participate in the forum as Wolfie_Succubus. www.vampire-awakening.com This place really helped me out through my Awakening. They have counselors but I was too shy for that.

So, vampyres aren’t evil… I’ve heard that some remain Christians once they find out what they are, but I personally have never met a Christian vampyre. I’d love to; I think it would mean something to me and the rest of the world who would bash us for our off the wall lifestyles. We are nocturnal for some odd reason you see, despite how everything else is just silliness in the legends. On that note, we’re all humans, but vampyres are just humans with an extra need trying to get by in life. So, as I heard somewhere on a vampyre site, “Save a vampyre, give blood!”

Rocky:  Umm, uh huh… yeah.  Save a vampire.  Yeah, I’ll… uhh… I’ll get right on that.  I heard you have some thoughts on reincarnation too?

Wolfie:  Well, if you were curious about my beliefs in Reincarnation, I mostly have memories of my deaths… which isn’t too nice of a subject. So, I’ll leave you with this. I know who I am, and I’m proud of who I am, but I leave in a house where I’m bashed for my beliefs and my sexual orientation.

I know I have been man, woman, wolf, and tiger. I’m very stubborn in my beliefs I suppose, but I’ll listen to anyone else’, as long as they don’t try to force me to believe theirs or say mine is wrong.

I believe my reason for sexual attraction toward females is because I have been a male. There is so much more I could get into; the deeper parts of what I remember, but most of those are painful memories I wouldn’t like to discuss now.

Rocky:  I understand.  Let’s close the interview on a high note and talk about something I love… peaches!

Wolfie:  You mean like… fuzzy, soft, tasty, round, peaches? Oi… *falls over twitching*

Rocky:  Oh yeah!  Now that’s what I’m talking about!!! 

          Wolfie, it was great to have you on the show tonight.  Take care and I really hope what you’re waiting for crashes right into you.  We all deserve what we want!

That’s our show for tonight folks.  I did want to make a plug for our scheduled guest on Friday, callmeroger.  Also on Friday’s show, I expect to have a field report from our senior correspondent, greeneggsandham.  I have two sexy women lined up for next week, along with a world famous author.  Well, world famous in his on little world that is.  As always, if you’re interested in coming on the Peach Hour, leave me a note or contact my production assistant, amandarose42.

I’ll leave you with this thought… If you’re not getting what you want, you’re not asking the right person the right questions.  It’s all up to you.

I feel like an old hunting dog just back from his last hunt.  I want to crawl into a corner and sleep for days!  I just got back from Biloxi, Mississippi.  I left Thursday night and got back a few hours ago.  A good friend of mine volunteers for the Red Cross and called me telling me to pack some clothes because I’m coming with him for the weekend.  He told me he would be back Monday and he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer.  He didn’t really have to convince me but I guess he’d gotten some flack from a few others (Wayne couldn’t go due to parental responsibilities).  Especially since he was headed to Biloxi as I have spent quite a bit of time in that city and am a frequent visitor at the Imperial Palace casino (that’s not going to happen for a while).  From about 45 minutes after we got there (just enough time to grab a cup of coffee and a donut) until a little after midnight last night, we did not stop.  Here are the highlights…

Friday 5:00am – Our crew met with one of the ARC coordinators that very sweetly offered us a little breakfast.  After telling her we brought our own food, she said with a smile, “We are going to work you guys ‘til you drop, please eat”.

5:45am – Semi truck full of goodies shows up just as I’m finishing my coffee.  The boss (Betty) waves us over and tells us, “put this truck… there”, meaning unload this truck into the gymnasium of the school we were at.

11:00am – Finish unloading the truck and move into the shelter and start passing the stuff out.  Volunteers were asked for to go into some neighborhoods and deliver some water/food.  I hop on a truck with several volunteers from all over the country (in particular one very attractive young lady from Tennessee!) and we head out for my first chance to see some of the real devastation.

4:00pm – After several hours of handing out supplies and talking with some residents, we begin to plan for the next day’s activities.  Looking around, it’s hard to know where to start, there is a lot of… just stuff.  Houses, trees, garbage, etc. are scattered from one end of the street to the other.  Finally, one of the volunteers grabs a chain saw, starts it up and runs it through a tree.  He said, “Let’s start here”.  That is just one example of the decisions being made on the ground here.  A couple of us grab some gloves and begin to move stuff around trying to get a little bit of a work area.  We stay there until the sun goes down.

7:00pm – We get back to the shelter and a few of our group (17 of us in all from Jacksonville) had already set up our tents in the football field of the school we were at so after a quick shower (yes, there was power and running water at the school), we all sat around (including other volunteers and my new friend from Tennessee) talking about what we had seen that day and what we could do tomorrow.  We sit there and chat, someone breaks out a guitar (ugh, I hate guitar players!) and we sing along and really just lighten everyone’s mood.

Saturday 6:00am – I wake up, roll over and say good morning to my new friend from Tennessee (her name is Stephanie).  After a few cups of coffee, we were off to start some clean up.  We spent the entire day on one street and I swear, when we were done, it looked like we had spent on an hour there.  Things in general were not as bad as I anticipated but there is still quite a mess there that has to be dealt with.  We were in desperate need of some bulldozers and we had heard they were on the way but we didn’t see any that day.

8:00pm – The “crew” all met up at our little tent city when had constructed and we had some food and, don’t ask me how it was acquired, some cold beers to take help some of the soreness leave our bodies.  I knew that the next day was going to be my last day here and we were going to head back that night so we all treated it as such and had a great time.  After exchanging numbers and e-mails with Stephanie, we broke my dry spell and fell asleep to a few people applauding and cheering (that story comes later).

Sunday 4:00am – Surprised I was up since I should have slept well into the morning, I went to the shelter and started helping getting the food and drink ready for the volunteers and others that were going to be stopping by.  I got some time to talk with some folks that had lost their lives and were staying in the shelter.  It was both depressing and uplifting at the same time.  Some of those folks were out with us the day before working on properties that weren’t even theirs.  Again, just one example of what people do everyday that just boggles the mind.

8:00pm – After a full day of physical labor, we were all about ready to fall over.  After looking at what all had to be done, I felt bad about leaving but knew I needed to get back to my life, such as it is, and start helping myself.  We said bye to all our new friends, packed the rest of our things and headed back to Florida.

That was my Labor Day weekend.  All in all, it is one I will never forget.

As a side note, I didn’t realize how difficult it was to post my first entry in my blog until I asked Wayne to leave everyone a note for me.  I had advertised a Peach Hour and wasn’t able to tell anyone in my life where I was going.  I gave him a list of folks to call that I had made plans with and my id/password for my blog.  He said he logged in, read some comments and really tried to type an entry but felt weird about it.  I laughed my butt off.  The reason I blog isn’t in my life as it was but I can honestly say that I was keeping a mental tab on this just so I could share with my Mindsay family.  I feel like such a dork! :)

1-800-HELP NOW   www.redcross.org

My man Wayne had a date tonight so I'm sitting here wired after the fantasy football draft wondering if I should call him and tell him how our team looks.  We were supposed to go to the draft and do this together (though I am the brains of the operation... actually, I'm the looks and the brain, Wayno is the money man since I don't have a job! ;) ) but he ditched me for some chick... can you believe that???

Anyway, since I'm not gonna bother him just in case he's getting lucky, I'll tell you guys how the team shaped up.

QB - Matt Hasslebeck (Seahawks)

QB - Joey Harrington (Lions)

RB - Clinton Portis (Redskins)

RB - Ahman Green (Packers)

RB - Marshall Faulk (Rams)

RB - Deshaun Foster (Panthers)

WR - Roy Williams (Lions)

WR - Larry Fitzgerald (Cardnials)

WR - Plaxico Burress (Giants)

WR - Pearless Price (Cowboys)

WR - Joey Galloway (Bucs)

K - Ryan Longwell (Packers)

Def - Houston Texans

All in all, it was a good draft.  I drafted 12th on a 12 league team so I'm fairly happy with what I ended up with.  I'll let you guys know how we're doing throughout the year cause I know you're just dying to know! :P

See what happens when you piss the "man" off?  Why do I think we won't be reading any more stories about how Lance lied to the French written in L'Equipe until he makes a final decision?

http://msn.foxsports.com/cycling/story/4847604

I need a spark.  Something to trigger me and get the fire going again.  Ever since last weekend, I just haven't been able to reach down and make myself happy (not like that, get your minds out of the gutter!).  I had a fantastic phone conversation Tuesday night with a friend.  We just laughed and laughed for hours.  But that was her making me happy or me being happy because I was making her happy.  I wasn't motivating myself.

I don't know, I guess I just need...

I still get a chuckle when I think about that line.  There is a new show coming on CBS and one of the starts is Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) who, as a youth, I bore a striking resemblance to.  The punk is way too thin now and my face is much fatter so it doesn’t quite look the same but there are similarities.  Anyway, in the promo, something cool happens and he says, “This is so going in my blog!”.  My roommate and I were watching it and he just about busted his gut laughing (he still makes fun of me about blogging… if you knew me, you would understand why).  So, with that, here are the things that are going in my blog today…

I posted some self pity bull$hit yesterday talking about my lack of motivation.  I suppose that’s gonna happen from time to time as I’m used to being on a certain level of self confidence.  When I’m not there, I wonder what I’m doing wrong (even if, at times, I’m not doing anything wrong!).  So, I sit down for some self reflection and prayer because… well, because that’s what I do… and when I was done felt a little better but just not where I wanted to be.  Then I got a call…

I picked up a new job!!!  It’s another contract, 5 month position, as a test lead for the company I used to work for before I left for Houston.  It is more money and less responsibility than I had when I was here last… and they wonder why I left!  (well, that and the other reason we’re not going to talk about today! :) ).  I had always known that it was there if I pushed the issue but I wasn’t really excited about going back there.  In any case, I’m bored out of my skull and a few more dollars in my pocket wouldn’t hurt so… here I am.

I had a stress filled conversation with my mother Thursday (kids pay attention, to this day I still look for my mother’s approval… it doesn’t ever go away, it’s a curse!) about me sitting around not having a job.  I could have a billion dollars in the bank and my mother would still ask me what I’m doing for work.  She’s just that kind of person.  Anyway, after getting on each others nerves way more than we should have, I got the enviable opportunity of calling her yesterday and telling her that I do know what I’m talking about and she needs to let me play this side of the fence and she needs to stay on her side.  Said with a great deal of charm, of course! :) 

Needless to say, Rocky was a very happy boy (considering the situation) and was looking to celebrate!  I called my boy and order him to get the fellas together for a night of boozing and trouble making.  After a few beers w/pop talking about how I think mom has lost her mind, I met up with the fellas to commence the partying.  After a few hours at a local joint, we are getting ready to wrap up and move on and a girl approaches our table.  Kevin had been checking out some redhead a few tables away for like 2 hours and had never made his move so I guess the redhead got tired of waiting and sent her friend over to our table.  Now, keep in mind, we are not quiet and unassuming.  I can only imagine the aura we put off and the amount of courage it took for her to approach us, but she did.  After a few minutes of small talk I said (as usual), “We’re about ready to leave and Kevin says he’s not leaving until your friend does, can you get her over here so this boy can get her number?”.  I mean, why beat around the bush, right?  She was over there for a reason!  A few minutes later we go over to their table and meet the crowd.  After many laughs and even more drinks, we all decide (4 guys / 3 girls) to all go back to Chris’s house for some pool and table soccer (foosball).  I’m not going to bore you with the details of that other than to say there were some very intoxicated folks at that house and good times were had by all.

On top of the great day I was already having, I met a girl.  Nothing happened (‘cept for some smooching… I love kisses! ;) ) but I tell you this because I want to tell you what she does for a living.  She’s a Navy helicopter pilot.  How’s that for irony?  I’ve told you all before and was just mentioning to a friend the other day, my insane hatred for pilots and guitar players.  Thankfully she doesn’t play guitar or she might have found herself in the pond out back!

So, after a morning of prayer for strength, guidance and wisdom, I have a new job and was forced to make out with someone that stands for a group of people I dislike with a passion.  You think He doesn’t listen or have a sense of humor?  Think again.  This is SO going in my blog!!!

Remember the job I spoke of in my last post? (of course you do, it was just the other day and I know you guys have nothing better to do than remember the details of my life! ;) )  Well, I got a call this morning telling me the funding for that position (of which I was supposed to start Wednesday!) is no longer available.  So goes the life of a contractor.  Needless to say though, I am extremley pissed off.  There were some things I was not too excited about and I'm sure what I am supposed to do is right around the corner but that does not stop the blood from rushing to my head and me wanted to destroy somthing with my bare hands (what a pleasant though on a Monday, huh?). 

That is all... I need to go get centered.

Oh, on a side note, I've gotten a few comments wishing me well with the girl I met the other night.  Just to clarify, this was a bar chick, not someone I forsee a relationship with or even a date.  I hate pilots.  She is a pilot (helicopters but still a pilot).  I was just painting the picture of irony.  I dunno, I thought it was pretty weird, maybe you guys didn't! :P

Ugh… I have been laying here almost 3 hours unable to move.  I did get up to… well, do the thing we all do first thing in the morning (my insides felt like they were floating!) and to grab some caffeine and sugar, then collapsed back into my bed like I hadn’t slept in a week.

Yesterday was a very interesting day.  I pretty much avoiding all conversation that I couldn’t think about first.  No phone, no face to face, no IM… nothing “real time”.  I read some, commented on some of your blogs, did some e-mails and proceeded to get trashed!  By the time I went to bed last night, I actually had an IM conversation with a friend for a few minutes and realized I thought she was someone else the entire time.  I know, I know… I suck.  I apologized to her this morning and she is a pretty good friend so I know she will understand.  As I try to remember what else happened yesterday, I’m really having a hard time remembering :P  I did meet some new people yesterday, I enjoyed that very much.  Hmmm… oh yeah… Heather, I’m watching The View… but only because Ashley Judd is on (yummy!!!).  I’m also checking out the little blonde, she’s giving me the eye, she wants me! :D

Ok, I’m rambling and this is beginning to suck.  Have a fantastic day!!!

I have determined that I now know what a single man’s best friend is.  No, not his left hand after sitting on it for an hour (though a strong argument could be made for that), and no, not unlimited access to porn (though a strong argument could be made for that too), and NO, not easy strippers (though… well, you get the point).  I have determined that a single man’s best friend is… the heating pad!

Massages, to me are nothing but foreplay.  It’s just an excuse for me to touch her (yeah baby, I’ll rub ya… I’ll rub those close right off ya!).  However, I get these horrible knots that end up underneath my shoulder blade.  I can’t reach them!!! (grrr!)  So I sit against the wall with a pillow between me and the wall and the heating pad between me and the pillow.  Sit it high on your shoulders turned on to the max for 20 minutes and you feel like a new man!  You sweat you’re a$$ off but who among us couldn’t stand to lose a little water weight?  See, it’s like a workout and a massage at the same time!

Who needs a woman when I have a heating pad?  Oh yeah… b00bies… I forgot ;)

I had the weirdest dream last night.  I dreamt that I made out with a girl (Anne) and right after that my other grandfather died.

To set the stage, Anne is a girl that Wayne kind of likes but we’ve all been friends for so long, plus she’s hooked up with Chris and the rumor is she’s into Kevin.  So needless to say, we’re all a little apprehensive about making a move on her just because we are all the “crew”.  The four of us (me, Wayne, Chris and Kevin) have known each other going on 10 years now.  We don’t ordinarily, though it has happened in the past, pass women around.  Once one of us have been there, she’s off limits, no matter what transpired.  Anyway, back to the dream… Anne and I came back to the place Wayne and I were living but it wasn’t this house, it was some other place.  Her kids (she has the prettiest twin girls you would ever want to see) were with their father and we had been out boozing most of the night.  Wayne wasn’t here (or there… I’m going to quit explaining that, just follow along) and we had gotten back so late that the sun was already coming up.  We decided to fix breakfast and were having idle chit chat when I came up from behind her in the kitchen.  She positioned herself so that she was facing me and her back was against the fridge, cocked her head to the right side, grinned and moved her head to kiss me.  In the middle of the kiss, she stopped me (kinda talked while we were kissing, ya know?) saying, “I’ll do this” meaning she would be the kisser and I would be the one being kissed.  This went on for a while with the normal moaning and groping that goes on during a make out session (though we stood up the entire time) and then the next thing I know, we’re walking into my dad’s favorite bar where I’m meeting up with my cousins.  I then engage in a conversation of how we are going to split up my grandfathers property (he has a couple hundred acres in south Georgia) and I participate in this conversation until I realize what’s going on… my grandfather has died.  I think woke up a few seconds later like someone just kicked me in the head.

So here are my questions…

n      I have never spoken to Anne in this manner and though she is a pretty girl, where the he77 did she come from?

n      Why did Wayne and I live in a different place?  I didn’t recognize it.

n      She basically came to kiss me, not something I typically let happen.  I usually make the move before she is tired of waiting or hint enough that I will that she will wait on me.  Why didn’t that happen here?

n      Why, in my dream, did she have a GREAT a$$?  Anne is a runner and has a runner butt… flat.  Where did her a$$ come from?

n      My grandfather died??? WTF???

n      Why was Stacey (my cousin) running that conversation?  I’m the oldest grandchild, I’m supposed to do that?

n      As a side note, this the first dream I have had in more years than I’m going to admit, that I have made out with someone and Dana was nowhere to be found.  If I get nothing else out of this, that has to be a good thing!

I shot an e-mail to Wayne telling him I made out with Anne in my dream.  I probably shouldn’t have as I will get total $hit for this but I kinda felt guilty, ya know?  I mean, she’s not into him and he’s got other things working and kinda knows she’s doesn’t want him… but still.

What do you think?

The days get shorter the nights get longer

The loneliness that is felt grows deep inside

Darkness surrounds each minute you breathe

Beaten down at every crossroad by the hours that control

Light is seen off in the distance

Striving for a new beginning

A new life

A new hope

A new dream

To become what you are supposed to be

To fulfill the promise made

Until the nights get shorter and the days get longer

And time stands still

What is a blog?  I have found what I think is a great definition, “On the Internet, a blog (short for weblog) is a personal journal that is frequently updated and intended for general public consumption. Blogs generally represent the personality of the author or reflect the purpose of the Web site that hosts the blog. Topics sometimes include brief philosophical musings, commentary on Internet and other social issues, and links to other sites the author favors. The essential characteristics of the blog are its journal form, typically a new entry each day, and its informal style.” … (http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0,289893,sid9_gci214616,00.html).

I am new to the world of blogging.  To me, the whole premise of blogging is to have a free exchange of ideas, be heard on what could be a global platform, and influence your realm of control.  However you view your blog is your personal decision.  What I am beginning to have an issue with are people that are destroying the pure freedom to do exactly what the intent was, a personal journal.  I would bet the farm that most of us blogging today had some sort of personal journal growing up.  Honestly, for the most part, you can tell who did and who didn’t just by writing styles.  If you pay attention and actually read the entries, you can see who is comfortable and used to writing to themselves and who is still searching for their style.  That is neither a good or bad thing, and the fact that everyone is here sharing thoughts, makes my heart warm.  We are not meant to be alone, we are social creatures.  Forming connections with people is what we are built for and whether it is in person or by some other means of communication bears no relevance to the connection… or at least it shouldn’t!  That brings me to my point (took me long enough, huh?)…

Folks, let’s just relax.  I have read way too much bullshit complaining about others from their opinions to “alter-ego” blogs to stalkers to he said/she said garbage to last me three lifetimes.  This is not meant for anyone in particular no matter what side you are on but I know some of you will automatically get defensive and say that I don’t understand or your situation is different and get pissed at me for whatever reason.  If anyone gets pissed at me for this, then you don’t know me.  There is just no other way to explain that.  If you don’t like it, don’t read my personal journal anymore.  You were free to read it and you’re free to not read it, it’s your choice.  Here in the land of peaches, we accept everyone for who they are.  White, black, brown, straight, gay, bi, lefties, righties, people from all over the world, even Micronesia… and as much as I hate to admit it, we even welcome pilots and guitar players.  However if you are a pilot and/or guitar player and I lose a girl to you, I will end you, got it!?!?  I’m tired of you guys always getting all the good chicks.

Rumors = Jealousy.  Honestly, who cares if someone has 40 alter egos?  For all I know the same 5 people could be everyone on my contact list.  What does it matter?  I read entries, make comments where appropriate and they do the same.  I know people that have multiple blogs.  The use them to communicate a different side of their personality for their own special reasons.  So what if one of them is a male side and the other is a female side?  Or one is a goodie-goodie side and the other is a naughty side?  That is the way they choose to express themselves and who are we to judge? 

As an example, I’ve read pieces of the debate about pussypatter and who exactly she/he is.  Honestly, it makes for good TV and can even be a cute mystery to solve but what if pussypatter uses this blog to express themselves in ways they can not do in their everyday life?  Can you imagine if they are a middle aged man and the intense pressure they have built up inside with this “alter-ego” trying to get out?  What if they didn’t have this creative outlet, do you think they could be doing worse things?  Sure they could.  Or maybe she is just a fox built like a brick shithouse that is an exotic dancer that lives in New Orleans and has somehow gotten out and doesn’t think about it much anymore.  Do I care?  No.  I just read the stories (ok, ok, so I look at the pictures too… I’m a guy, I’m visual!)

That is just one example of the many situations I come across every day.  Even in conversations with folks I call a friend, this mess comes up.  Sure, personal conversations have no boundaries except for those you two set but put it in a blog and it’s now public.  Just so we are clear, I have no problem with anything anyone decides to put in their blog (as I said before, which also applies to me, if you don’t like it don’t go back!) and debate the topic of the day, whatever that may be.  Throw it out there, make a stand, make an argument… that I respect even if I don’t agree with you.  Just make sure, if you’re trying to be sneaky, don’t let the person you’re speaking of find out… you don’t want to be that kind of person do you?  I am very gullible, I admit that freely.  I think all people are good at their core just… sometimes… I dunno.

I’ll close with this as I feel it is appropriate and is quickly becoming my life motto… in the infamous words of the pecheluver, “Sometimes you just gotta put your dick out on the table and say… mine is bigger than yours, get over it.”

P.S.  leedman, I owe you a beer.  Thanks for the inspiration, I’ve been in a funk for weeks.

I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you that nominated the post from yesterday.  It is quite a compliment and I take it to heart.  Again, thank you very much.

I'm out of town this weekend but I will make sure I respond to all comments on Monday.

Hey, hey you… yeah, you… come over here for a second.  No, not you… YOU!  Yeah, I want to ask you something…

Why is it, when you think you’ve got something figured out, the world does a 180 on you?  I’m not talking about the secret of life or anything like that, just for the next couple of months, you seem to have an idea of where you are supposed to be and then… BLAM!!!  I know God has a sense of humor and all but geez, can a brother catch a break?!?

There is no way, even if I were to tell you in finite detail everything that happened, that you would fully understand the roller coaster ride I’ve been on this weekend.  Not that you aren’t smart people and I’m even sure some of you have “been there, done that” but, as I have for a few years now, I continue to experience feelings and thoughts that I have never experienced before.  Before everyone goes there,… it is not a woman!  I didn’t meet “her”, I didn’t fall in love (or lust for that matter ;) ) and nothing terribly bad happened.  It’s just… man, what a roller coaster of emotions.  And the weirdest part… it’s not over with, not by a long shot.

Anyway, thanks for lending an ear (or an eye in this case).  The question was rhetorical but it makes you wonder… WTF just happened???

In the eight plus years I’ve been in Florida, I’ve been through my fair share of hurricanes.  Even when they are out in the ocean, you can still feel the effects.  Right now, the most outer band of the storm is still 70 miles south of me but the winds have still picked up to 15+mph and there are white pillowy clouds everywhere.

Please don’t take this as an attempt to diminish the damage that one of these storms cause.  They are one of the “beasts” of mother nature but, as with everything else, even when destroying something mother nature can be… beautiful.  Know what I mean?

P.S.  South Florida brothers and sisters… DUCK!

Move over Jennifer, move over Rachelle, no Jessica I don’t have time for you anymore.  I have a new conquest.  Her name is Sarah.  She is 25 years old, long blond hair, athletic, smart, good job… man, what a catch!  She’s an event planner in Washington D.C. and just so happens to be in a similar career field (healthcare / employee benefits) as me.  Wanna see a picture?  I just happen to have one…

Just in case you were wondering about the “professionalism” of the photo, Sarah is a new contestant on “The Apprentice” w/Martha Stewart.  If you would like to see the next Mrs. Rocky, you can tune in tonight at 8pm EST on NBC.

I’m sure once I meet her I will not be as enamored as I am now but for the time being my fantasy is in tact.  Now… how to meet her… hmmm

It’s Saturday night, I’m sitting here alone with a drink watching the television.  Somebody come on over to the land of peaches and have no life with me.

P.S.  Bring some food! :)

There is no way I’m ready for this.  I’m still holding a candle for my ex-wife.  I still drive by the house late at night when she’s asleep.  I feel like such a scumbag, especially on nights like tonight when I go by and the garage door is up and “his” truck is in the drive.  I have to do a U-turn so they don’t see me.  People tell me I shouldn’t do it but there is just a certain level of comfort I have when I do.  “His” truck wasn’t there for several weeks, I thought maybe they had broken up (I dare not ask anyone for news about her life) but that is not the case.  He’s still staying the night there, for all I know living there.  She doesn’t want me anymore, I believe that… sorta.  But, if I made her fall in love with me once, I can do it again, right?  I mean, what good are all these words and feelings if I can’t use them to help me get what I want?  I cheated, I lost.  But why is it so easy for her?  She has to still think of me, doesn’t she?

How long do you pretend to have it together?  How long of telling yourself and others that you have it together before you finally get it together.  My mind is not in the same place as it was, things are better, I can feel it.  But I still feel pain.  Physical pain.  How high do you have to build the wall around those feelings so that you don’t feel them anymore?  What do you do with this?  How do you use this to make you better?  What good can possibly come out of feeling like this?  When do you finally say, “I’ve had enough” and mean it?  When do you stop thinking about it?  It can’t last forever, can it?  I mean, not if you don’t want it to.  But how do you tell yourself that you don’t want it to?  How do you convince yourself that you’re here for a reason, that there are better things ahead.  You have to do it.  You have to do something.  If you don’t, then what is the purpose?  The reasoning behind the pain.  Why can’t you see it?  Why can’t you understand?  Can you not understand the way I feel?  The passion that burns inside no longer appeals to you?  How can you not sense the way things are supposed to be?  Open your eyes, can you not see me?  Do I not matter anymore?  How is that possible?  After so long, this is what is left?  This is what I’ve asked myself to deal with?  The years of compromise and sacrifice led to this?  What a crock of shit.  This isn’t what I wanted to happen.  This isn’t what I meant to happen.  This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, is it?  How can you do this to me?  How can I do this to myself?  What am I waiting for?  The best defense if a good offense, why can’t I just get off first?  Why can’t I control this situation?  Its all in my mind, why can’t I make it be what I want it to be?  I’m in charge, why can’t I act like it?  This is my world, why are you still here?

Where do you go from here?  What do you do with this?  This can’t be all.  This can’t be why I’m here.  I’ve lived, I’ve learned… for what?  For this?  Bullshit!  I’m better than this.  I can do anything.  You don’t control the way I feel.  You don’t control the way I act.  I’m better because of this.  Then why is it still so hard?  Why can’t I… forget you?

Even the blonde chick on "The View" (Elisabeth Hasselbeck) is looking good today.  The whole 'glasses' thing is just kinky sexy to me!  Maybe I'm just horny but, then again, that doesn't make any sense either?

Not only that but I have set up two interviews this morning.  Considering the mood I was in when I went to sleep last night, I am having a GREAT Monday morning!!!  Wow.

I just had a phone interview and set up another interview for Thursday.  That's 3 set up for this week, all today!  They are all decent jobs and the money is comparable but a little lower than the one I'm waiting on but I can't wait forever!  It's been 3 months now and I'm about to go crazy!  Plus my "retirement boat fund" is taking a beating!  I haven't been very aggresive with this but I just find it cool that all of it hit today.

I've been doing what I'm doing, I can't think of anything special I've done for this karma to swing back my way

Don’t forget to look at the stars

God’s lights shine down on us

Every night they are always there

Until the night they are gone

And the world goes dark

Don’t forget to look at the stars

And realize just how small you really are

How about an update?  Sounds good to me, let’s start with the good news.  I have officially accepted a job!  It is with a company that I interviewed with in August for a project manager position that I did not get.  I was actually pretty upset, it was the first interview in a long time that I did not get an offer from and I was looking forward to the opportunity.  The VP I interviewed with sent me a very nice e-mail explaining he went with another candidate but was impressed by me and was going to forward my resume on to another VP that had, what he called, a similar position available.  I thought that was very cool of him but didn’t really expect anything to come of it.  Well, I get a call and it was one of the 3 interviews I had last week.  It was, by far, the best interview of the week and the “similar” position that was available was actually a step up in responsibility and money from the project manager job I interviewed for.  The position I have accepted is to be the Director of EDI (Electronic Data Interchange) and is a permanent position where the other was going to be a long term contract position.  The project manager that was selected is actually going to have a dotted line reporting relationship to me!  After I accepted the position on Thursday, the original guy I interviewed with in August called and spoke to me on Friday.  He apologized for not selecting me for the PM role but felt I would be a better fit here as well I would be a permanent employee which he also felt would be better for all involved.  Basically, this was his “plan” from the beginning.  We laughed about it for a while and then I told him next time he does something “good” for me to let me know what the entire plan is from the beginning!!!

Now for some shocking news.  For those of you that have been around awhile, you know about my ex-girlfriend Jamie that I have been “talking” to for a while now.  A few weeks ago she called me to tell me she is pregnant.  I asked her the obvious question and yes, I do believe her so it appears that I am going to be a parent.  I’ve held off blogging about this for various reasons and even now that I’ve typed it, it is pretty difficult to believe.  I’ve never had children so everything is new to me but I have some good friends and am beginning to have the conversations I need to have to make sure I do the right things for everyone involved.

Speaking of right things, we are not going to get married.  It’s a shame though because I knew when she told me that this would either bring us closer together or push us further apart (us = our relationship) and over the last few weeks, I think it is apparent that it will destroy what little relationship we had built back up over the last few months.  I was beginning to think I may not ever have a child of my own and I definitely wouldn’t have thought it would happen like this.  Oh well, I guess it could be worse. 

Yeah, that’s all for now.

*** Side note... suggested tag for this is "steeni interviewed"... WTF??? ***

You know what amazes me?  It amazes me that people will make their situation out to be worse than it really is just to get sympathy from anyone, even strangers.  I mean, we all have our highs and our lows, I’m not discounting that but… holy moly people, fill the glass half full every once in a while, would ya???  I honestly have better things to do with my time that to listen/read about people that are nothing but negative all the time!  Quite frankly it’s depressing and I have enough of my own to last me.  Don’t we all?

I guess my question is, don’t you want good things to happen?  If you do, don’t you realize that negative thoughts are always going to prevent that?  Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to a “woe is me” from time to time.  Life is not easy and has a tendency to throw some pretty wicked curves at us every now and then but do you really feel the need to complain about it… every day?!?!?!  As I think about this now I know I shouldn’t beat on people that use their blog/space as a place to vent or complain, it’s your personal journal and can be used however you see fit.  The way I see it though, if you’re looking for the attention you’re not getting elsewhere, you’re using it for the wrong reasons. 

I’ve been told that it’s the culture of the online world.  That people living in this realm are self absorbed pity freaks that just want to feel better by making themselves out to be something they are not.  I just refuse to believe this.  I actually have examples that this is not true.  Case in point, a friend of mine just quit blogging a few weeks ago due to some outside influences, she felt that her family and friends saw blogging as the reason everything in her life failed.  This is a woman that has her head screwed on straight (from what I can tell), provides for her family and has a good heart.  Her blog was not an ode to her worries, it was a creative though provoking journal that I enjoyed reading.  It is now gone but do you hear her complain about it?  No, of course not.  She picked herself up, dusted off and got right back into the game with her new set of parameters.  That’s life folks.

I live in a glass house.  There is no questioning that fact.  I’ll throw a stone from time to time but I’m just as willing to expect a stone thrown back at me if a nerve is struck.  I haven’t had it as tough as some of you.  Growing up, I was the kid that most of you said you hated but secretly wanted to hang out with.  I was the popular kid, the athlete, the socialite.  To a degree, that is still the role I play today.  I try very hard to be full of life, love and laughter as often as possible and hand out encouraging words and compliments as if they grew on trees.  Want to know why?  Because they do grow on trees.

Next time you’re feeling negative or like the whole world is against you, do me this favor.  Pick a day, any day.  Just one day I want you to think nothing but positive thoughts.  Every time a negative thought, feeling, or action occurs I want you to spin it to a positive as quickly as possible.  Don’t tell me it can’t be done, I’ve done it my whole life.  If you’re having trouble with a particular instance, hit me up, I’ll spin it for you.  Approach this technique with an open mind and if you do it, just for one day, you will see a difference in your mindset.  I personally guarantee it.  If you don’t see a difference, come over to the land of peaches and you and I will work the issue until it is resolved.  That is my promise to you.

In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”.

*** Side note… I’m headed over to msdania‘s “sleep over” party tonight.  I have no idea what it’s gonna be like but I heard there may be some hot chicks dropping by and… well… yeah, hot chicks.  So come on by and hang out, it’ll be good for a couple of laughs at the very least. ***

Ask and it shall be granted...

As a side note, I've been listening to this song a lot lately... pretty good stuff

Josh Gracin - Brass Bed

Baby, the clock on the wall is lying
It's not really that late
It's too cold outside to be walking around
the streets of this town
Anywhere if you think you have to be can wait

(Baby) Why don't you stay with me
Share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay your head on this big brass bed
And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me, yeah

Baby, there's just no use in hiding
The way that I am feeling right now
With you standing there baby I swear I can't help but stare
Girl you're wearing me out, wearing me out

(Baby) Why don't you stay with me
Share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay your head on this big brass bed
And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me, yeah

Baby don't go it looks like it's starting to rain
And it's so warm here in this apartment wrapped up in this
blanket

(Baby) Why don't you stay with me
Share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay your head on this big brass bed
And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me, yeah

Stay with me

After several attempts last night to make a comment, I left msdania's party just as I found it, without me.  I apologize to the folks that I told I was going to be there and from reading the comments this morning, it looks like a good time was had by all.

On a good note, it seems I am in more of a sleep cycle now as I have been asleep prior to midnight 2 of the last 3 days (the other one was 4:30am but we're gonna overlook that right now) so my body is saying thank you by feeling better during the day which totally rocks!

Anyway, just wanted to apologize to my friends for not making the party last night... next time we'll blow the doors off and make the neighbors call the cops!

Have I ever mentioned that phone sex is freakin awesome?  Just in case I hadn't, I thought everyone should know.  If you haven't experienced yet, do so with someone you care about.  If you have experienced it and it doesn't "do it" for you, then you're not doing it right!  Try again!

That is all.

My father was a tough man.  He is shorter than me but built like a brick wall and I’ve always looked up to him, regardless of height.  I heard two things from him growing up… “Second sucks” and “Live by the sword, die by the sword”.  He was a winner, there was no questioning that.  So was his son.  If for no other reason but to make him proud, to get that look from him I got when I won.  My grandfather was a firefighter, my dad was a career military officer, I didn’t have a choice… I did the things that needed to be done and did them better than others.  Did I ever lose, did I ever get beat?  Sure I did, nobody wins every one but my room (along with part of the living room) was plastered with trophies, ribbons and certificates as evidence that I didn’t lose very often. 

“Motivated”, “Best defense is a good offense”, “Come on Sport, you’re better than that”, “Do it, do the work”, “Take his heart”… 2 years All-Europe (equivalent to All-State) wrestler, 3 years All-Europe baseball player, AA Conference basketball player of the year (Junior year), 3.4 GPA, 1120 SAT’s, 3 recruiting visits (Depaul, Maryland and Florida)… *SNAP*… ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Oh God, no… please no… please, not now.  Ankle shattered.  Knee blown out.  Cast, screws, pins.  Knee scoped.  I’m done.  Days later when I get passed over for West Point, my dad comes into my room and says, “Well, you f*cked that one up didn’t you?”  and walks out.  Live by the sword, die by the sword.

So a lot of people say with heavy sarcasm, “Gee, what a tough life” and you know what… they’re right.  I have had it easier than most.  Nothing has been given to me but I have the capability to make and work for what I want and I tend to get it.  The problem is that I never did it for me, I always have done everything because it is expected of me.  I was everything everyone though I should be and was miserable.  The last few years, I’ve been on a journey to discover who I am and though I have fallen short, many times, of what others deem as success, I now know what it means to live.  I stopped living by the sword.

There is no more baby.  I held off blogging about it because I knew there were some issues but I thought they were resolved.  They were not.  Now, on top of this, I get to be beaten up and degraded for my handling of the situation both past and present.  So be it, God has my back.  With His help, I can’t lose.  Quite frankly, I’m only going to take so much $hit and then I’m going to explode on someone.  I will say this though, when I meet Him, He better clear His schedule cause I got some questions.  Here is my last one though,… did I just die by the sword… again?

I want to go out tonight.  Who's coming with me?

All my friends are going to a wedding that I'm not invitied cause the whole ex-wife thing.  Last time this happened I told myself I was going to go make some new friends... this time I am!!! :)

I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way,
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.

I think I can make it now the pain is gone,
And all of the bad feelings have disappeared,
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.

Look all around, nothing but blue skies.
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) sunshiny day.

Faith teaches me to not ponder why things happen the way they do, just that it is part of a bigger plan and was meant to happen exactly that way.  We’ve all heard that, right?  So my question is, how is free will used in our lives if there is already a master plan in effect?  Not only that, buy why give us the ability to choose if the choice is not relevant to the outcome?

I have some free time today and want to debate. (not really, I’m just putting everything off because I’m being lazy today).  I don’t care which side you take, just take one and lets get into it.

A friend of mine is having a real tough time of it here lately.  A mother of two facing the impending divorce of her high school sweetheart, her world is slowly slipping away from her.  Though I can’t totally comprehend her situation, I empathize and hurt right along with her.  She’s decided the best way to fight this is to change the arena so she will be leaving the country for a few weeks.  Right, wrong, or indifferent she’s decided that is the best way to approach it and whether or not she needs it, I’m behind her 100%.  I wish there was more that I can do and hope that she knows that whatever she needs is just a request away.

To show her the importance of our friendship to us, I’ve decided to give her a song.  As Diana was (wow,… long time readers, remember her?!), my friend is also a self proclaimed “word whore” so as I thought for an appropriate song, an artist Diana turned me on to came to mind.  It is my favorite song from an artist that has a lot of sentimental value for me.  It makes me think of how pretty the world can truly be if you let it.  So… well, here it is…

Elaine,

As I sit down to write this, I’m doing my very best to give you the proper level of gratitude for the positive influence you’ve had on me.  For you it is easy to inspire people to live in this world the way they want to live, to live for dreams.  Your world is changing, a sunrise is occurring that will bring light to a new day of triumph and glory beyond all that you could hope for.  I want you to seize it, to grab the lion by the tail and experience all of it that you can.  I want you to take your shoes off, walk on the grass that you’ve dreamed about and savor each moment as if it is to last an eternity.  I will make you this vow, live your dream and I promise I will live mine.  Lets make that pact between us and hold each other to it.  You deserve everything you ever wanted and so much more.  If there is anything you ever need, I’m right here.  Remember, graim thu go I gconai.

Faithfully,

Rocky

Pretty the World

by Matt Nathanson

they tied off your arms

with all their pretty charms
and the same bad lines
that always get you
and you hate the way
they wash you down
and summer hums heavy now...
still you bolded all your best words
so they'd have something to wrap
their mouths around.

show me how pretty the world is.
cause i envy the way that you move
show me how pretty the world is..
cause i want something just a little bit louder

all spun awake
twisted in the heat...
you're always burning up so bright
when there's someone there by your side.
well just take me home
cause i'm a mess enough clean
and i'll lie
until i believe

show me how pretty the world is.
cause i envy the way that you move
show me how pretty the world is...cause i
want something just a little bit louder
show me how pretty the world is
cause you're brilliant when you try
show me how pretty the whole world is tonight

i never thought that i could be who i am
i never thought that i could see where i was
i always thought that all this was just wasn't me
i always thought that all this was could never be

i never thought that i could be who i am
i never thought that i could see where i was
i always thought that all this was just wasn't me

i always thought i’d wait here for you 

Hola amigos.  Coma est da?  Ok, I’m working on my Spanish (and it sucks!).  By the end of next year, I will be speaking Spanish.  For now, you guys get to poke fun at my attempts. :) 

I’m looking forward to starting back to work next week.  I’ve been telling myself I have been spending way too much time on this thing.  Not that I don’t enjoy talking to my friends and the entertainment the net provides, it’s just this thing can be addictive!

Let’s see, what else is going on… hmmm… some great baseball has been played over the last week.  No matter who your team is, you have to admit there have been some exciting games.  I don’t particularly cheer for teams, mostly specific players so I’m not too devastated that the Red Sox and Braves are out of it but those were the two teams I would have liked to see make it to the series.  That wasn’t going to happen but I would have liked to see it anyway.

Football is in full swing.  Oh!  I forgot to keep you guys updated on my fantasy team!  Since I’ve had sooo many comments wondering how I am doing (do you guys actually read this garbage?), the team is 4-1 and tied for 1st in the division.  I actually have a pretty good stretch of 4 teams I should be able to be so it is possible that I could be 8-1 after 9 weeks.  That should guarantee me a playoff spot, it typically takes 10 wins.  I’m sure a lot of you are totally bored with this paragraph but $700 for first place should get your attention pretty quickly :P

Other than that, I’ve just been tying up little loose ends this week because it will be back to work for my lazy a$$ next week and I just won’t have the time to do them.  The only plans I have for the weekend is a season ending fish only cookout at a buddies place.  He does it every year and cooks whatever fish was caught that season.  It is a good party with very good food so I’m looking forward to that on Sunday after church.

Until next time, this is me telling you that if you stare at my butt any longer, I’m gonna have to charge you.  Take care of each other!

Ok, final employment paperwork filled out, tour of entire building, informal introduction to the staff, view of my current workstation (still working my office, reminds me of a elevator ;) ), all of this is now taken care of.  I’m ready and set to go to start my new job on Monday.

For those of you that know me at all, you know I’m a fairly confident person… so why am I so nervous?  Could it be that I’m back in IT, a field I truly haven’t been in for about 6 years?  Could it be that the lead on my staff wanted my job and she was told she wasn’t ready (gee, no pressure there!).  Could it be my primary expectation is to pull every piece of data and code off a mainframe server and implement a SQL server environment (a large task regardless of the situation) for a company that I still don’t fully grasp the nature of the business?  Or could it be that it’s just a new challenge and I’m just getting myself pumped up to be successful?  Probably a little of everything.  I’m sure things will go as they are supposed to but in the mean time, I think I just need to suck it up and get on with it.

Yeah, I think it’s time I put it on the table.  I just hope mine is bigger than everyone else.

Here is the kiss, you can have the $10 when it's folded ;)

Next time, I'm paying someone to do it!  How about $10 and a kiss ;)

I was flipping through my blog some and realized I haven't posted a "real" entry in a while now.  I think I'll sit down this weekend and let some garbage out.  I know I've stored enough of it up this week!

The job is great, I really do like it.  I'm tired as all get out but it's a good tired.  It really has been one hellva week.  It's great to get paid for something I'm good at.  Now if I could just get paid for the thing I want to do.  Oh well, that'll be next.

Anyway, to all my friends and readers... what's up!!! :)  To everyone else (noticed some new traffic), welcome to the land of peaches where we say, "A peach with no fuzz on it is a great thing!".  mmmm, peaches...

Take care and I'll catch up with everyone in a couple of days.  Same peach time, same peach channel!

So I finally made it to my hotel room in Atlanta.  It’s actually pretty nice.  I’m on the 10th floor and have a decent view of the city.  There appears to be something going on at a bar/restaurant type place down the street but, to be honest, I’m just not in the mood to make new friends tonight.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll go check it out and see what’s what.  I’m here until Friday afternoon so I’ll have plenty of time!

Life is pretty decent right now.  The job is working out very well and I think it is going to turn out to be a place I can call home for many years.  My boss is just like me (or, since he’s older, am I just like him?) and we came up in very similar ways.  I’m basically being asked to “make things happen” which is what I’m good at and it seems he is giving me a lot of rope.  We’ll see the first time I piss someone off real good but I think it’ll work out.

So I guess that’s it for now.  I’m gonna get unpacked, order some room service, turn on some football and relax. 

Happy Halloween!

I sit here tonight with my throat feeling like there is a softball stuck in it.  I’m thinking this hot tea is not doing the trick!

I read an article today in USAToday about the teen epidemic of blogging across the country.  It talks about what to share and what not to share.  About how the majority of teen bloggers are girls and basically goes through how parents are just terrified about what’s going on.  So let’s see if I have this right… the PARENTS bought the computer, the PARENTS pay the light bill, the PARENTS pay for the internet service and they are terrified about what their teenage CHILDERN are doing/saying on their blog?  Hmmm… yeah, wait for it… here it comes… see it… there it is… WHAT THE F*CK ARE DOING PARENTS?  Are you going to sit there and tell me your child has more authority than you do in your own family?

Somebody help me understand this.   Some of you liberal parents let me know what’s going through you minds at that moment and why you can’t/don’t fix this.  You know what, some of you teens tell me what the real deal is.  Tell me what you would do if you parent had this issue with you.

1... 2... 3...  aaaahhhhh :)

What to say, what to say.  I keep sitting down to write something in this thing and draw a blank every damn time!  I guess I shouldn’t force it, this really began as an outlet and if I don’t need it, I shouldn’t just put crap up but I feel like I’m ignoring it.

Life is good at the moment.  I keep thinking that it could be better but then get pissed at myself for not appreciating what is going on at the moment.  I had a good trip to ATL and a good weekend afterwards.  I’m headed back up to ATL the end of next week, I’m thinking this is going to become a common trip for me.  It really is a good thing, I’m basically taking part of my bosses rotation but I’m also used to having an admin make my travel arrangements and since I don’t have one now, it’s a bit more of a pain in my a$$ than anything else.

I’ve had some new “experiences” in my personal life and even more are on the horizon so I’m looking forward to seeing what He has in store for me next.  I remember a few months ago and how disappointed in myself I was and where things are at today, He really provides if you just ask!

Oh, an interesting story.  Wayne (my roommate) signed up for Match.com.  You won’t find this as interesting as I do but right after the divorce I gave it a shot with mixed results.  He gave me the worst $hit for it.  He was constantly picking on me about it and now, since he has 0 game, he signed up for it and is actually asking my advice!!!  I’ve beat him up pretty good about it, just getting him back, but I’m proud of him for taking that step and trying to get back on the horse (don’t tell him that!).

I’m finally going to see the doc about my blood pressure tomorrow.  It has been through the roof the last few weeks (ranging from a high of 197/117 to a low of 178/107) with all the new stress in my life but I’ve been putting it off because I know I’m going to have to go back on the medicine.  I hate pills!   They are very little but I still hate taking pills for anything.  My body should be able to control things… ya know?  I’m also going to make a dentist appointment tomorrow for the tooth that’s been hurting since March (I STRONGLY DISLIKE THE DENTIST!).  I’m such a responsible person, huh? ;)

Anyway, I’m babbling so I’m going to sign off now with a motivational quote…

“Some people dream about success while others wake up and do it.”

This isn't for anyone you know or anyone I have ever spoken of before.  I just wanted to say it in the safest enviornment I could...

Ok, I'm going to bed.  I wanted to be sleep 2 hours ago!  Before I go, I saw this tonight and just have to share... it is, quite possibly, the funniest thing I've seen in months...

To all my brothers and sisters that have served or are serving in the U.S. Military, have a wonderful Veterans day. 

Never forget where we came from.

Thanks callmeroger , this rocks!!!

1. What time is it? 11:26 p.m.
2. Name: Rocky
3. Nickname(if any): Rockstar, a$$hole
4. If you were a skittle what color would you be? The one that tastes good
5. Single or taken? Single
6. Zodiac: Libra
7. Hair color: Light brown
8. Eye color: Green
9. Height: 5'10 1/2"
10. Favorite Color: Green
11. Glasses, contacts or neither: Laser eyes
12. Braces?: Done
13. Piercing/tattoos?: 2 old piercings / 2 tattoos
14. Birthplace: Florida
15. Are you a virgin? ummm... sure.  Born again, right?

16. siblings? 1 younger sister

******HAVE YOU EVER******

17. Cut your own hair?: Yup
18. Roller Skated? Yup
19. Been in Love? Yup
20. Broken any Bones? Yup
21. Skipped school?: Yup
22. Bungee jumped: No
23. Went to a concert?: Yup
24. Kissed someone of the same sex not related to you? NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!
25. Kiss more than two people in one day: Yup
26. Stared at the stars for hours?: Yup
27. TP'd someone's house?: Yup
28. Won something?: Yup
29. Asked someone out?: Yup
30. Been rejected? Yup
31. Been to a funeral? Yup
32. Used a lighter?: Yup
33. Been on stage?: Yup
34. Fallen Down? Yup

******FAVORITE*****

35. Food: Chicken

36. Ice cream flavor: Oreo
37. Store to Shop: Shop?  What's that? 
38. School subject(s) : History
39. Breakfast cereal: Trix
40. Number(s): 2 15 24
41. Book(s): Playboy
42. Movie(s): A River Runs Through It
43. Television Show: West Wing
44. Desert: Cheese cake
45. State: Florida
46. Place: St. Thomas, VI
47. Sport to watch on TV: Baseball
48. Sport to play: Softball
49. Bands/musicians: "Anything, just play it loud!" -- Robin Williams
50. Letter(s): W
51. Fast food restaraunt: KFC
52. Disney Character: Mickey (who else?)
53. Holiday: 4th of July

54. Name for a son: Rocky (need someone really ask me that question?)
55. Name for a daughter: Rockette

******DO YOU PREFER******

56. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
57. Hugs or Kisses? Yes please.
58. Long relationships or one night stand?: With who?
59. Dogs or cats?: Dogs
60. Scary movies or comedies? Comedies
61. Silver or gold?: Silver
62 Croutons or bacon bits?: Croutons
63. Sandy Beach or Green Grass? BEACH!

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******

64. Mexicans: Beer
65. School: Beer
66. Grass: Pot
67. Cow: Fat
68. Canada: Beer
69. Mouse: Lack of
70. Hands: Sex

******THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU******

71. Watched a movie? Yes
72. Talked on the phone?: Yes
73. Cried?: No

74. Threw up?: Yup
75. Drank a glass of water?: Yup
76. Talked to the opposite sex?: Yup
77. Read a book or magazine?: Yup
78. Watched TV?: Yup
79. Looked in the mirror?: Yup (damn I look good!)
80. Taken a shower?: Yup (damn I smell good!)
81. Taken a picture?: No
82. Listened to music?: Yes
83. Kissed someone? No
84. Done your Home Work? Didn't really do it while in school either
85. Told someone you loved them? Yup

***DO YOU BELIEVE IN....******

86. Heaven?: Yes
87. Forgiveness? Yes
88. Aliens?: No
89. Fun for the entire family?:  Isn't that what Orlando is all about? 
90. Freedom of speech?: Yes
91. Love?: Yes
92. Magic?: Yes

*******SOME RANDOM STUFF******

93. Last movie you saw in theatres?:  Jarhead (don't waste your money... it's a rental) 
94. Are you listening to music right now?: No
95. What clothes are you wearing right now? Unless you're laying beside me, you don't get to know that
96. Do you like your middle name?: No
97. What is the best thing since sliced bread?: First kisses 
98. What color is your backpack?: Black
99. Who is Mike Jones? Hback for the Jaquars... oh, that's Matt Jones.  I have no clue. 
100. What time is it? 11:38pm

For those of you that have seen my belly, you know where I'm headed... the kitchen!!!  This is gonna be a loooong night :(

The night started off so well, I had such high hopes.  I was in my room by 9pm.  Said hey to a few friends, shut every thing down and had some reflection time.  Laid down, dozed off... woke up and it hasn't been the same since.

I now have ravioli, cheetos, and some kind of cupcake thingies... so much for dropping down to 185 :(

I'm retarded.  I kid you not, I'm sitting here on my bed, naked, eating ravioli and cheetos.  I'm saving the cupcakes for breakfast tomorrow.  Somebody please save me from myself!

So the dentist told me this morning that he could fix my tooth one of two ways... $1100 for a root canal or $90 to pull it.  Guess which one I chose?

Did I mention... O U C H !!!!!!!

Instead of drunk IM'ing, texting, e-mailing and/or calling everyone I know (meaning I have your number), I figured I'd drunk post everyone, that way I cover all!

I do have one question, why do I always do this to myself?  Why do I set my goals higher than I can achieve?  I know I can't do it but I get just enough taste of success that I talk myself into thinking I can do it and then I fail.  I'm an idiot.  Oh well, back to the drawing board... it'll happen someday... right?

When we give thanks, we stop for a moment in appreciation for what we have received in life. When and how we stop depend in part on our values.

First and foremost, for many of us, we are thankful for the presence of loved ones in our lives – a spouse or partner, children, parents and others whose presence in our lives we cherish and appreciate. So, too, many of us are thankful for health – for our own health, however precarious it may be at times, and for the continued health of those we love.

We are thankful for the forgiveness we have found in life, for those who have seen our shortcomings and still not found us wanting. And we are thankful for the good deeds of others, for those who risk and sometimes even lose their lives so that the lives of others can be less fettered – for the doctors and nurses who place themselves at risk so that others can survive, for the police and fire fighters who daily put their own lives in jeopardy so that others will not perish, for the soldiers who willingly step into harm's way for the sake of freedom for others.

The story of the first Thanksgiving is about the Pilgrims' recognition that they had received more than they strictly deserved – more from the Native Americans who helped them, more from the earth of this New Land than they could claim as their right. This moment was not long-lived. Within a year, the Pilgrims' sense of entitlement would increase and their sense of appreciation and thankfulness to the local tribes would plummet, the victim of shifting political and military loyalties. But none of this invalidates the ideal that Thanksgiving has come to symbolize, even if it does reveal the extent to which we have so often fallen short of our own ideals.

The real challenge of Thanksgiving is not simply to be thankful for the goodness of others, but also to live a life of goodness, a life for which we can all be thankful.

I’m leaving for Atlanta tomorrow afternoon to spend some time with a friend and then will be up there until Tuesday afternoon.  It appears this is going to be an every other week thing until about March as I continue to try to influence change throughout the organization.  Things are beginning to move in the direction I want but they are going much more slowly than I would like.  That tends to be the case with just about everything I do, once I get a goal in mind, I focus so intently on the end result that the details become more and more insignificant.  Oh well, just a bit more insight into me :)

Isn’t it amazing how trains connect all of Europe?  I know that’s random but I think it’s pretty cool.  My company is world wide and is forming a soccer team to represent North America in tournament in Berlin sometime in May.  I haven’t played since high school but the opportunity to go to Berlin is too good to pass up so I’ll be headed to Sports Authority next week to pick up a ball and get back into “soccer shape”.  I’ve actually challenged Wayne to qualify for the U.S. Army Ranger physical fitness test by the end of the year.  80 push ups (2 minutes), 80 sit ups (2 minutes), 12 pull ups and a 2 mile run in 13 minutes.  I figure if those guys can do it, and I like to think I’m as tough as anyone, I should be able to do it too!  Of course, I can’t do it now, but I have 30 days to get my fat butt in shape to get it done!  He’s trying to weasel out of it but I think I’ve picked on his ego enough to get him to agree.

You know, from time to time I stare at my header trying to talk myself into not buying it now.  I really can’t afford to and if I did, I’d have to sell my car but just to know that I could, theoretically, be that close to my dream (to sail around the world)… it’s a good and bad feeling at the same time.

"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack.  Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Both Jessica and Britney are dumping their men!!!  Hang on ladies, I'm on my way!!! :D

*** Update ***  I also heard that Christina Applegate is about to become available too!!!  So many women, so little time!

It’s think time I started writing again.  I seem to go in and out of funks but when I finally get to a point I want to sit and put it down, I don’t have the time.  Then that makes me think I shouldn’t do it because then it would be forced and, quite frankly, I don’t have the talent to force something and have it come out good. 

Work is actually reaping the benefits of this.  I’m taking my lack of free writing out on my e-mails which now read like novels instead of notes.  There are good things about that, I suppose I will eventually bore everyone so much that they’ll just let me do whatever I want and I’ll just say, “It was in that e-mail I sent you” and since they aren’t reading them all the way through, I’ll squeeze by!

I don’t know… I opened this blank document and turned the volume down on the game to see if I could get anything out of this brain and all I seem to be getting are my fingers flowing automatically over the keys, not really making out thoughts, just words that comprise a sentence.

Yeah, so I've been thinking... I'm going away for a while.  This just isn't what it used to be for me anymore.  I'm sure I'll be back and I will always pop in to check on everyone but, for now, I'm going to put this off to the side.  It's been a fun six months or so and I want to thank everybody that came along for the ride.  Thank you for being a part of my life and sharing yours with me.

The ride is closed but the show is always open.